THE WRITTEN WORD
Saturday, July 31, 2004, 6:03 PM
here am i, donned in a pink top given as a present frm my aunt.. 1 or 2 years ago?
elbow length sleeves.
not worn b4.
black... cut-short Levis. which i dun really recognize.
im waitin to go to my uncle/aunt's house.
for sum crappy reason which i dun feel lyk disclosin.
haha.no reason actually.
im just goin there to accompany my mother.
loverboy did i mention that u left me gutted
by shutting up for 2 months.
:)
so lets ignore whatever we have started
for i'av torn the cheque 'insufficient funds'
i've thrown the pieces back to the wind
for it'll carry it far far away.
:D
i lyk/dun like the way im bloggin nowadays. lifeless. soo. dead.
hee. it reflects the way im now, too.
maybe.
loverboy you make me think that i don't love you anymore.
loverboy .. then you make me change my mind.
loverboy isnt it true that no one's perfect
so then, loverboy , explain why i love ur flaws.
haha. everyone's in love.
im a victim of the one-sided evil love, but then again.
lovin someone feels better, no matter if the person loves u back or not.
at least your love is directed at the special HIM.
so why am i feelin so friggin horrible??
aieerghk. hha.
i have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to blog about. yet i dun feel like leaving. is this how it's like in unrequited love? there's nothingleft for you to stay on anymore. unless you love getting hurt in return.. or maybe you like watching the love you have for him turn into anunhealthy obsession which will probably just irritate the hell out of him?
ha. the weirder*than*me ppl around.
then again. just 'loving-him' is enough. or maybe, one day, he'll look back and see how much u'av wrecked yourself for the sake of loving,maybe one day he'll be touched,maybe one day he'll love you back. (i think im doing a friggin counter arguement, am i not? too many expository writings arnd, yeah.)
then again there might not be a happily-ever-after ending for you.. afterall you are not one of disney princesses, are you?
BUT AT LEAST THERE WUD BE AN ENDING TO IT.
'LETTING GO' ISNT A FORM OF RELEASE, DESPITE IT'S TERM, YOU JUST WANT HIM TO KNOW HE'S NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUIN ANY WAY IF YOU SUDDENLY DIE AND HE DOESNT HAVE TO CARE.. HE'S FREE.
FREE TO DOOOOOOO ANYYYYYYYTHINGGGGGGGGGGG.
HE'S FREE TO LOVE.
HE JUST CANT STOP ME FROM LOVING HIM.
I HATE HOW SIMPLE THINGS ARE FOR YOU. yuck i just hate it.
Friday, July 30, 2004, 8:54 PM
a gift from me to you, my heart.
aint sure 'when did the damage start?'
the world simply fell apart
in seconds.
no stopping to the tears that fall
denying the things i'av seen was what i saw
i know what you'av given
wasnt your all.
do u know how to feel?
the need to hit the crap out of you
to watch blood spill.
tears spill.
things and her cheap thrills
if only i wasnt so deeply in
if only i didnt act so keen
if only things werent what they seem
to be.
your love it brings me to an unbelievably high
i threw caution back at the wind
you werent supposed to make me cry
standing up tall with a tilted chin
so i'd betta dry those,
spilling from my eyes.
my will faltered
you stood there undaunted.
subjected to such a fate...
thus im loving angels instead.
haarh. i asked a few ppl for approval ppl postin dis up. it came as a surprise, actually.
:)
hey there.
if only i could tell you that,..
those stuff werent real.
and it's only a poem.
sigh. i cant.
(today was terrible. my rankin for 2.4km run was worse than last year's, but surprisingly, i din feel as tired as i ran this time. kept constant speed, like wat cally told me to, and i din stop at all. just that the speed of that constant speed wasnt fast enough. last yr, i ran fast, but tired myself out so blarday easily, kept stoppin, running, stopping... i think i din give my all dis time, i wasnt that tired. hehhs.
dance, was SUPER HORRIBLY TERRIBLY BLARDAIRLY TIRING. we learnt sooooooooo many new steps, and the rehearsal's tomorsh. today was acty for polishin of our moves, to improve on them. secarly soooooooooooooooo many dance steps taught sooooooooooooooooooooo blardie fast.......
though a few can catch everything that was taught, THAT few's moves were unpolished, and it looks like amputated limbs flaying here &there. seriouuuussssss.
wonder how will i die for tomosh's full dress rehearsal. wells. frankly speakin, soooo much was taught in such a shorttt time... though we r not THAT presentable to the public, but heyy. we learnt this WHOLE dance in only 3-4 DAYYS. WE ONLY HAD 3-4 DAYS due to SOME teacher's LATE NOTICE that she's registered us for NDp. ARGH. i know how much we all tried, and almost died, &how we pia-ed thruout the practices, how we practised practised practised and practised somemore, and... i really like this dance. if only i can catch the behind part fast enough.
so so tired. think im gna try recap some steps a lil bit. taa~
*twirls and whirls out of blogaaar.
Thursday, July 29, 2004, 9:01 PM
cmon cmon move a lil closer,
cmon cmon i wna hear u whisper
cmon cmon jump a lil higher
cmon cmon you'll feel a lil lighter
we are accidentally in love...
im in love im in love im in love.accidentally.
haha. im feelin so bloggheish nowadays. yuck.
bloggheyin 2 entries a day ish so... redundant. wells.
being nice to ur eyes, that's all. :)
it nv was and nv will be
have u no shame dun u see me
u know u'av got everybody fooled
im startin to publicize dis blog. i acty gave dis guy whom i dknow riiiilly well
it might be betta, on the second thought
no discrimination. like wot zt say... no hype, no glass. stripped.
:))
i kinda like that.
im soooo off to start on my zuo wen,
do half of my zuo wen.
then FINISH MY ZUO WEN.
look at me, im aiming highhhhh~ :D
i love him.
and he loved me..
not anymore though.
once.
things might be better if i think it that way.
see. this grl's on her way to recovery, dudes.
(she'll be currently budgin along, so make way make way.)
(she'll probbly fall apart if she meets any obstacles. so HUSHH.)
(keep those evil comments to youself, DOOFUSES.)
i find myself dislikin the ppl beside me more and more each day. it's sad.
they make me all irritable. and i cant stop snappin at my frens.
wells. they CUD stop snappin at me FIRST.
see, this grl's on her way to recovery, dudes and dudettes.
whetha u want it or not. whetha she wants it or not. :)
, 8:02 PM
you know waat. i wna sms you, i want to receive your sms, i want to see your face.i wna see your shy smile lighting up your face. it doesnt have to be directed at me,i dun care actually.i just miss seeing you smile. :D
:) can you love me like b4... can you make me happy again? ::) i just want to feel you near me.you will really bring my spirits to heights with just one smile
it's embarrassing. ):yuck.
how you can twirl me arnd ur lil finger,get me all twistedout of shape.lost her brains.
yaaar. stupid guy, dis guy.she's lost ur mind. her mind's full of you.she lost you.
therefore, she lost her mind. :*(
TODAYYS.today veh tiring. in sci i was noddin to sleep.then i dreamt that.. i FELT that i wasburnt by an iron.
i think i touched it. or the iron touched my hand. wa liaoos.pain leiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis.then i jerk back so hard. pain wot. then i woke up.hart was beatin lyk siaooos.
then when i looked up, the powerpoint slide miss chan was showin ushad a picture of an iron on it. LOLS. uncanny coincidence mien.it was showin us the wattage of an iron. :\\ diaoos.
today skl end at........ 3.10. guess wot time's dance?ur wrong/right!!! 3.15. lols.i was so sparshed. :\5 min. pack up, put bks in locker, 3.20.walk to concourse. 3.25.but so lil ppl only. then jazreel told us we can eat in canteen for a while. hehhs. so nice.
DANCE PRACTICE WAS HORRIBLE.i cud barely catch up. hahahaa. *slaps __lousy__ over her forehead.horrible horrible. tata young front part i got it purdy wellthen the stuff that were taught today was taught soooo fast.
i was falling over my own limbsone whole tangled yi ting.
tomorsh got 2.4km. OMG i hate napha. yuckkk.did ok for standin board jump. din know why my hart beated so fast b4 i jumped.had a feelin dat i wudnt do as well.last year 1 jumped 2m. dis year i jumped 1.95m.deproved by 5cm.
my sit ups was SHIT.22 SHIT ups. YUCKK I KNOW MY STOMACH'S ONE WHOLE JIGGLY BIT,BUT 22SIT UPS??! I DIN EVEN TRY MY BEST. WAS LAUGHIN WHILE I WAS DOING.I THOT IT WAS JUST PREPARATION. SECARLY IT'S THE FRIGGIN REAL THING.SILVER FOR MEEEEE. I HATE THIS. YUCKKKKKKKK.
I'AV NVGOT A SILVER B4. SUCKY SHIT UPS GNA SPOIL MY CLEAN SLATE OF A RECORD MIEN.I HATE SHIT-UPS.
argkkk. i have a feelin that tomorsh 2.4 will run like.............. 15min. LOLS last yr i ran bout ...13min? sucky enough. dis yr even worse. stamina yi luo qian zhang. i hate thisssss.just now dance summore.welcome muscle ache tomorshhh.ARGHHHH SCREWED.
Wednesday, July 28, 2004, 7:14 PM
mwhaha. i think tiny verdana rocks.
today was a boring day, as usual.. then. erhms.
yayys anyways we finished our expository writings. -prouddd.
but calleh din finish. she insisted on finishin it tonight. she's all strive-to-triple-science nowadays. it's good tho. hehhs. but wudnt bringin it back home to do hinder her studying? lols i dknow laaa. :)
haha.
now im at gwyn's hse. heeps. she burnin disc for me, to save the poor muscially-deprived me. hehhs. nicie nicie..
hmms. i was supp to leave at 5.
now it's... 5min to 7. lols. im stupid.
if only her hse wasnt so irresistable. the fast speedy laptop and stuff hurrs. gets to the brain.
okka okka fine fine gwyn is irresistable toooo.
_dies laughing.
-slumps over her lap top dead and crushes it with her immense weight.
afta i finish this blogghey entry i'll leave okka.. ... ... .. ... ... .. .. ... .. . . .. peace miennn.
i dun feel lyk leaving. hrrrmphs. tomorsh got lit test and im....... okka la. got read and quite understand. but u nv know.
the teachers myt come out with crap questions and it'll result in receivin crap answers. :))
then poor yi ting will receive crap results. to add on to the growing list. LOLS. unfunny yehhs.
is there such thing as 'unfunny'. fine. will settle for not funny then.
ooh i rmbr sumthng bloggable. ;))
council investiture!! purdy typical la. climatic music, then councillors start walkin in.. so sei rytts. hee.
then. the sec 4s start handin over their responsibilities to the ppl takin over their places in council.
which reminds me of the short time we have left b4 they leave.
im not exactly veh veh close to the sec4s.
but i'av always, &i really mean always, admire..
admire their constant enthusiasm, friendliness... and playfulness.
for one thing. cant imagine dance w/o e sec4s. cant imagine ahs w/o the 1988 babies. :))
ya know, so far all the 1988 ppl i know all the same de. power, enthu... just nice. :)
arrgk. even calanthea says so. it's like. 1989 must be a magical year or sumthng.
the first person i really liked when i came into ahs was elicia... yupps she was my OG leader
&she's damn frenly n nice.
the last day of orientation, she gave all her OG babies (members, hehhs) a small slip of card each. then she wrote sum kind words.
i think i lost it. GRR. hate myself for that.
now when we see each other in skl, just smile at each other to acknowledge each other.. nothin much.
but still. :))
yinghuan ish such a GREAT dancer. seriously? i'av nv seen any one dance with so much might.
everytym she dances, she puts her all in it. even if she's feelin damn tired.
she told us once
if u dun dance ur best when u dance,
then u might as well dun dance at all.
we rn't close in dance. but she's the best dancer of us all,
she keeps giving her all.
and i'll really really miss her. i'll miss all the sec4s. ALL.
aieeee.
yarr. so the supposedly-boring investiture turned out to be touching. :)
love them all.
it feels so good to love.
Tuesday, July 27, 2004, 9:45 PM
gee. today ish such a tehhhhhhhrribollllllll day.
Stuff To Do.
- English Expository Writing. shit bout competition in skls.
- clear the plate of orange skins on my desk.
- STUDEE FOR CHINESEEE. (the test is postponed to nxt tues steadders of dis comin thurs, which is such a good thing)
- stop comin up with lists like this, which just takes up more of my time.
- stop thinkin bout wot a complete idiot i am. nawww. idiot with a few scrools missin. she aint complete at all. stop being realistic.
- eat your dinner.
- finish up wots left to blog bout, den get ur sorry ass out of the net.
- STAY THERE.
haiyosh.
I NEED TO START MUGGHEYIN. lyk wot my dad is tellin me now. he doesnt wna hear me complainin bout how i din try hard enough. im so crap acty...
i will finish my expository writing. i will stop feelin like i want to kill everyone i see in skl. i will not. i will be a good grl. :)) i will finish my expository writing. I WILL START NOW. NOWWW. RIGHT NOW.
no sense of urgency. that's wot yz told me and gwyn. we r ppl with no sense of urgency. like. i can sit in front of the tv and drone monotonously to my mom, sayin : eh. damn.. im late. haiya. again.
then i'll lay back again, and comtemplate whetha i shud start changin or not. supp to meet at 2, only at 2.05 i'll leave my house. number1 procrastinator, that's meee. it sucks, having procrastinating as a habit. you procrastinate watever thing u have to do, have to say. yardarr. start digressing. .. . .. ... ............
today was a terrible day. skl was boring, everything was dead, or izzit just me. lessons just crawl past, draggin their sorry asses behind them. professional pissers are lurking about EVERYWHERE nowadays. they just do such excellent jobs at pissing you off. born naturals, some of them. : ]
so. my day was BORING. den afta skl, we decided that we'll watch spidey2 today. cally will be watchin brotherhood with wee ho, her sista, and this major pain in the ass who din turn up in the end. geeeeeeee. he's like. playing the MAIN role at makin my day miserable. miserable-RR if it can even worsen. afta takin such a blardie long tym decidin where to go, and whetha we shud watch, we settled on watchin at princess (i nv tried b4) in the end the time slot din fit calanthea, so we went to tm. gwyn n i had given up ALL hope. su wei din turn up. cally watched with wh n her sista. NC16. din get caught.
went to tampines sports stadium with gwynn. din see the pain in the ass anywhere. he became a BEEEGER pain in the ass. yeah i know. HOW CAN IT BE POSSIBLE??!
today sucks. dinner now. they r all yellin for me. laters latters.
Monday, July 26, 2004, 10:39 PM
she sucks. she aches over the painful.
living here all alone, that's what she knows.
please do not stare at her with those wide oh-mar-gosh-i-don't-believe-you-yuck-!! eyes. she doesnt appreciate it. she finds it irritating, and she'll act totally defensive. strugglin to prove that she's not all nonsense.
to no avail. do you know she suffers under the labels you have slapped onto her?
she has to struggle so hard to peel the label off.
to no avail.
why. due to some entertainment value, she played the fool. and when she decides that she is the fool no more,
they decide she's just pms-ing. or rather. neurotic. depressed.
making sure the label is in place.
since when did they get to make all the decisions? Labelling is something i din take much notice off.. i din know it'll actually happen on me. sounds so cliche, but
this isnt the my prince found me shit. oh i cant believe it's happening to me.. quo n unquo by kelly clarkson. moment like this.
i am depressed. blame it on me, or the things that are happening on me. blame yourself, blame the hurtful things you say. blame your lack of care, blame everything. blame your low expectations of me. blame your sharp critisim which does nothing good, and blame yourself. for it is you that made me the me of today.
don't say you expect this of me, and slap me with another label again.
somehow... using 'she' instead of 'I'....................................
seems to make things less real for myself. like i am lookin at someone else's screwed up life.
i hvn done dnt. english expository. revision for chinese. revision for literature.
i hvn finished my mission of snappin good pictures yet. i barely started. i hvn understood y ppl shoot me down, saying it's impossible. i know your life rocks. please just don't make me feel inadequate. if i dont, already.
i hvn found out why i am, sitting here, and bloggin all these stuff that no one will read, when i can hide in my bed, somewhere safe and snug under the protective blankets. where no one will see me, where no one will wonder why i am not crying, like how i should be.
i cant cry anymore. it's like. everything's has become dull. and im black and white. no grey areas. i guess i'av erased them all away.
goodnight, tiresome heart.
, 9:36 PM
harlows.
lols. i feel so angry. and insulted.
i hate her. i hate her. i din use to. i hate myself. i hate myself. i hate how she gets away with everything. every single thing. why shud i be burdened by the sins she has committed? if there's a God, is this something you have planned for me? then suggest to me that.. there is actually a way out of feeling like this. i know there is.. i hafta be strong, kinda like wot my agony uncle told me to.... *sniggers. lols thanx jing hui. wieeels. all comes down to myself. trust mysef to not know how to handle a fucking situation like this. and resort to beggin ppl to listen to me pour out my frustrations. i need them to tell me what to do, but they listen.. they just listen. they don't save me. they don't need to.. but... can they? no they cant. of cosh not. but what happens after i realize that i need help? who do i seek for? christians will tell me God. i feel desperate, like i can just.. ask Him. but too bad for me, i don't know God like how most people do. i cannot ask God. i cannot, so forgive me. whoever you are.
i realize the 'mask' that's stuck to my face .. permanently..? gets thicker and thicker everytime i prevent my tears frm falling. it nv used to be like that. cry. just cry. now it's ... don't cry. don't cry. hide it inside.
i can literally feel a layer of sumthng coverin me up, like a christmas present.. all wrapped up and ready. but left on the shelf in a deserted corner... no one came to collect it. layers of dust settles over the present as time passes by, of course. the toy wants to be let out. and played with by a kid who wants it on christmas. the toy doesnt want to be wrapped in the gleaming, shiny, pretty wrappin paper anymore. the silky satin pink ribbon which adorns the wrappin of the present are just binds.
binds.
binds.
harh. calanthea made me cry. in a good way la. i just cried for 10seconds. kinda.. whimpered. then. no more than 5tears. plop. plopp. ploppp. she floods the pretty box with tears. for just a moment. then things return to its neutral and plain white state again.
Friday, July 23, 2004, 9:32 PM
why.... am i here anyway? ^simple. cosh u haf nowhere else to go.
wouldn't you try to
smile.. scare away the dark clouds?
wouldnt u try to.
just fuck off?
lols. no poetry comin in, no photographs, no pah n no bahh so wot's life anyway. wot's life when i do not enjoy living, maybe it's just my problem, or do i feel more tired and more burdened as i walk through every passing day? sounds stupid, but maybe talkin to you might help. maybe just listenin ur voice wud help. maybe seeing you will make things ok.
alison just signed in. her nick is: what's so scary about death?
i find death scary. it's normal. i think the scary things bout death includes, leaving your loved ones, forgettin every bit of memory you haf held so tightly to, losing the ability to love and care like how u wud want to. and just.... dying.
haha comma i feel damn cham now. no exact reason. when chu chu asked me whetha i can cry anymore, shockingly the ans is no. i cant cry anymore. my tear glands must be so frequently used in the past that it's malfunctionin now. in fact i used to cry almost everyday, give or take. i regret sayin that cryin so much sucks in the past. feelin like cryin, yet not being able to is even worse.
im typin this with such indifference, it's scary. the way i stare at the screen and watch the letters appear, forming words which don't really make sense to me... like im watching a video of someone else's screwed up life. haarh. that sounds damn dramatic. it is.
i used to think that. i used to think that the mask-is-covering-me-up-i-cant-show-my-true-feelings is so crappy. so AA, in zt n qz's terms. well im a freakin AA-er so sue me. not like u'll be bothered to. just label me all over, alright?
great. now i understand. u dun cover urself with a mask, the mask covers you. at first u enjoy it, knowing ppl wun understand how ur feeling, till you crave care and concern.. and understanding, you want it off. oh so sad. the mask doesnt come off. you don't grieve. you don't smile anymore. your face is caked with indifference. you know it. you don't want it. you hate it. you cant help it.
yipidee. i just cried. why? ezekiel's ankles and the ay he walks reminds me of suwei. lols. if feels good to cry. haha.
Wednesday, July 21, 2004, 10:47 PM
haha. i hate dis size. i hate my life. no.. i just hate me. :)
i hate maths common tests, i hate the deprivation of music, i hate not knowing wot to do when i NEED to know wot to... i hate not being able to say hi to ppl i want to say hi to, hate watching ppl i dknow yet wna be friends with walk pass me, not seeing me.
i hate missing you, hate knowing that you will not miss me, then hate urself for doing that, hate feeling like crap, hate not wanting to care for anything already. hate hating you... hate not being able to sleep early as i'av planned (i wanted to sleep at 10. blahhs, im so sleep-deprived, u simply cant blame me, i'll hate it if u blame me for stupid things like that) i hate having the urge to blog when i have nothing to blog, but hateful things. i hate being so cut off from everyone, i hate pretending to feel cheerful n perky, yet failing miserably, ending up feeling like this, and i hate it when ppl say 'hey, ur such a poseur. give up the depresso act alreadyy m'dam. i would gladly ask you to shut up but i hate being not able to behave that way. hate being hated..
i hate hating.
and i hate posting entries like such. when ppl take one look at it and say 'Look, she's at it again, im so sick of readin such nonsense already. sumone shut her up and tie her tear glands together b4 she starts floodin blogger with tears.'
honey? get the hell outta here if ur thinkin that way.
Sunday, July 18, 2004, 12:11 AM
guess wot. guess who's on my mind now.
yuck i disgust myself. i feel lyk sendin him a pic msg or sumthng to remind him im still alive or sumthng. sheeesh.
generally i feel too tired to go into how im feelin now, (as tho i'av just been thru the blender, not a pretty sight) so im gna move on. and tok bout when i'av been just now. a proper entree bout events that happened on that day. im quite sane, still. X) ablehhs.
*thinks.
we went to sci centre. we took many piccys. lols it feels lyk yesterday already, for a fleeting moment i was thinkin, sci centre photos, werent them taken yesterday? nooo. me &my stm.. yeaps then we were wanderin along, checkin out sum of the exhibits, and takin weird creepy pictures. i haf one vague one of me 'flyin' caught on e tv.ee screen, and one where there are many 'me's. kinda oh-the-horror hurrs. :)) yeapps wot else. den at arnd... 11.30 we realized we were one step behind e others, who were already comin out of e eco garden alreadyy. hrrmphs. we were supp to go to ecogard at 10.30, and then check e exhibits out till 12.30. so we ended up doin stuff e other way rnd. stuff at e ecogard were purdy interesting, we kept readin out the descriptions of plants we find cooool.
afta we were done with some mud-trampling, it was like... 12.20 already and we only had 10 min to eat. we ran to mac, and grabbed sumthng. i bot e... spicy chicken burger thingey meal. :D pwedy niceee. -geesh teeengs it's not like u hvn eaten THAT b4. X\ ignore that crazy grl. who's bloggheyin? ignore HERR. :D
where was i? oh we grabbed food and we ran up the bus. and the coolest and the noisiest part of today's.. erhms.... expedition was when we were singing on the bus. almost all the grls (besides cally n us, and sherwin and them) were draining us out wif their melodious church songs. seriously, they RRR devoted christians. ;D but then us mean grls decided to start a 'mini-war' by singing other songs. mean girls a.k.a> cally. gwyn. yong zhi. mehhs. the delightful posse of four. X) riiiiiiight. at first we started with... i dun wanna miss a thing, then we ended wif stuff like...... teletubbies theme song. humpty dumpty (why does humpty dumpty look weird. is it mispelled? :\ ) row row row ur boat, our lovely skl song *warbles: haoo daaang cuo errr qi xiaaanggg xioong... and the guys got so fed up wif us they sang the National song. pwedy nice comeback over there. :) ohh and the other grls fought back wif more church songs, sum other songs i'av nv heard b4, and twinkle twinkle lil star. did i miss anythng out?
i was laughing my ass off as i sang not a nice combi... and it was soooo stupid. we had... 4 measly grls against like... 12-15grls? oh mien. so we haaaad to belt the lyrics out and feeling extra ticklish at the same time. result: sounds like sumthng from 2a again. LOLS IM DISCRIMINATING AHHHH KILL MEHHS. i was practically screamin wif.. laughter n lyrics, so it was quite a sight. calanthea spotted the bus driva rubbin his temples with his eyebrows knitted togetha wif disproval...........................................
my fonts r gettin beeeeeeger n beeeeeeeger. erms.. yeahh.
let's type in green. ooh it feels funny. :))
erhms. yeah we got back to class with ears still intact.. but classroom doors locked. had a sorta-squabble with the uncle who does the lockin of the door, but everyone who toks to him has to sorta squabble with him. calanthea told him she got ask teacher (mr yow told her doors will be locked on 5pm when she asked him b4 we left for sci centre) and he said sumthng lyk dis : Jiao ni lao shi qu si la. woaaah that was harsh. den later he left us grumblin away at the lockers. a few min later he came back, sayin he'll give us only one hour. at least he tried. 0.o
green looks horrid here. so does dis colour.
haiyerrs. we did plenty of deco.. den we went to cally's hse for our racial harmony thing to research. her com so friggin deprived of music, lyk mehhs. today i learnt that coms can be grped in using for studying, or using of both studying and playing too. oh miens the wurl nowadays.
haiyerrs. sucks la. i feel so tired now. we hanged in front of the com.. more of compressing ourselves to fit the space, ;))) erhms. den we went out to watch Lion King. realized it was riiiiiiiiiilly long since i watched that. it was veh nice, an up-to-standard disney animation as usual. riiiiiiiiiiiiiilly nice. dah-mn touching, even it was da 3rd of 4th tym i'av watched already. den we ate pizza. then we watched snow white... LOLS. damn old animation, but it WASNT horrible, lyk wot gwyn n wt have been commenting thruout the show. the mo qi they have is... stunning. lols yz n i were ignorin them and shhh-ing away, TRYING to concentrate on the show. but we left b4 it ended. blehhs. cosh yz's dad's here n it's time to leave as well.
did i mention that we caught the grand fireworks display? oh gosh. it was stunning. been long since i'av seen fireworks. since my p5 NDP preiew? lols today was my bro's turn. it's nice to go la.. but my year's waiting time was horrid. the sun, the heat, the umbrellas. eeeeeksy. the fireworks were outstanding as usual, &we even saw hart shaped fireworks. awww shoo swit.
basically, it has been a long day. not depressing to the bone, just a looooooong and tiring day.
**realized that i din mention ah beng's name AT ALL. lols he went to cally's hse too. he kept a low profile. NOTTT. he wud be if he wud stop his imitation of a girl's voice. ppl hu din know hu wud haf thot he's nv seem or heard a girl before in his whole life. blehhhhhhhhhs
mo did not turn up due to the fact that it's his mom's bdae today. exempted. this time. ;)
Friday, July 16, 2004, 10:23 PM
guess wot. i suddenly took an interest to the old blogger accnt i had..
so. taaaadidaaas. here i am.
im tired, depressed over the fact that i have nothing that interests me.
ooh i just dun bother to find.
¬hing besides photography, poems or books interest me now. dont ask me why all of them r more of the 'arty literature-ty' side, but.. that's just me, alrightey. perhaps i'll miss the old me afta like, few years, so i might revert to the happy ol mehhs. if i can. but now.. things rn't goin that well, so the last thing on the list i need is change. yuckk. i cant stand change, and that sucks becaosh.. i think it's important to accept changes.
blogger kinda rocks now. the tempply's no longer the working-people one, but now more... yiting-friendly. i dun lyk being unfrenly, so i switched to diaryland. but i dun lyk the way diaryland paragraphs my entries. yukks. and.
and one more thing.. im not being difficult on you, just being difficult on myself. so dun complain, becaosh im not complaining.... yet. r u confused yett? lousy loserrish you. X)
im makin efforts to smile now. as quoted by many, i look lyk i wna rip ppl to pieces when i dun smile. rather, stare into space. maybe they just caught me when i really do wna kill ppl. lolsh. i held a piece of window just now. gripped it tight, like... challengin it to cut thru my skin. but it didnt. wonder y it wasnt sharp enough. geesh. it feels different holdin it, lyk it has a power over me or sumthng. hmmms. i felt dangerous then. *adopts best murder-psycho face.
eeeks my entree is so colourful, but dun be too gleeful.
i'll be going to sci centre tomorsh. gee it feels lame just saying it. lols but the last tym i went (purdy once upon a time), i had fun with my frens. i hope time will repeat itself. dun stuff us wif too much sci-cy stuffie. we r not turkeys. repeat: we are no turkeys.
she's complicated, &u dknow wot she's playing at. think she's playin you, but that might not be all. perhaps it's just life playing her. she cries, it's her way of draining you &all out. she runs, &she can hide just as well. she doesnt know parts of her r being taken away. she will find herself lost one day. the day might be today.