this desperation is rising to steam our vision
the hungry thunder is here to devour my every thought,which is
every sound you make.
what sharp teeth, Roger bit my shoulder
once,with teeth like that.Roger is the dog i never owned.
my thought is every sound from the columns of
your throat,so sleek &pale is your neck
every word you pronounce so sweetly.your fingers
like piano keys themselves,music notes drift in &bteween your ribs.
i see
a sliver of moon in your left eye, in your right,
i see me.i see me the way you do....................wait.
who is the beauty draping the moon like
a pretty piece of sequined cloth?
she has your pale neck &silver tendrils framing her
face.oh..
what.
a.
face.
who is that,she is definitely not me.
am i her in your eyes?you are in love
with someone you dreamt up
someone perfect.she is definitely not me
well.that is one of my biggest fears
being mistaken for someone i am not
.i think//
i wrote you a fairy tale last night(maybe i'm still writing
it now,time is not a factor since youve been gone)
minutes feel like days.
in it you were the fiery phoenix
with scorched rubies for dry eyes,or were you the cage?
the cage,you contain something wanting so much to be free.
dancing red feathers writhing with joy wheneverthe sky ripples
nipping at rosy-tinged clouds like it's new year's eve.(oh yes it is)
.float.
the phoenix you(youre the cage,rmbr?) contain has Roger's teeth too.
its fourinchmolars punctured the moon &
the girl safely seated on it before - hurtled for
the ground
the phoenix(youre the phoenix,rmbr?) then swallowed her whole
(there goes the
one.the perfection you love)
the phoenix then crunched her
bones &they lived happily ever after.
Friday, December 30, 2005, 10:06 PM
see sometimes i am just like you(&you)
sometimes even i want
to hurt myself too
as each day slinks away
at the death of
every
sunray
i want
to be just like you
,&hurt me too.
the crowds,
upon hearing that,
they cheer/jeer so loud.
maybe because we were too afraid
too aware of our veins,they constantly
pump no oxygen.because youve dreamt up a girl who looked
just like me.looked into your eyes the way i do,
some lass who pronounces her 'ths' the samefriggingway.
she wasn't me,you knew &yet(maybe that was
why you dared to)took her hand in yours
brushed her hair from my..her face
open up your wallet show her our picture
&tell her you love her,just like how you love me
show her this,show her how we kiss
&share secrets &pluck them guitar strings
to serenade
.you woke up &saw me holding your hand
'you were murmuring a name in the depths of
your slumber.my name but jesus,
i know better,it is the name of the girl who
has my name,looks just like me &loves you
more than i do'shouting, i shut
the door between us.every plea reverberating
swallowing the few seconds of hesitation
which feels too much like eternity.waiting,
i waited until you drifted back
to sleep,where you'll be by her side,
the girl you made me out to be
no worries,i just felt like it.
, 9:47 PM
me: ezekiel,tell me who is your girlfriend?
ezekiel:annika!
me: no! ezekiel,saay..yiting.
me: ezehhhhkiel!who is your girlfriend?
ezekiel:ANNIKA!
me: NO ANNIKA!
alrightalright fine,so im devastated.
ahah!
yknw the..condo commercial.
(i think it's off the
tv now,twas still showing a few weeks ago)
yeah there was this condo commercial
&the little pretty girl inside,the angmoh girl.
hehs yeah thts annika.she's in ezekiel's
playgroup school.
how can ezekiel kiss my cheek AND the very next second break my heart so ohhoh
LOLS.man,just listen at me go.
kay,but ezekiel has good taste really,annika IS a cutie
such a pretty name too.
hehs but auntiemary tells me tht mr.Casanova tries to hug
her sometimes in school but she'll cry.HAHAH.
9843927574067894701th entry for the day.
(tuition tmmrs at nine IN THE MORNING IS CANCELLED)
happyhappyhappyhappy
, 7:21 PM
forgotten memories
for instance just now
when my maid auntiemary was dusting
the..uhhms wine bottles &trophies/medals
she held up this singing competition trophy(lolol
twas hosted by macdonalds lyk,when i was.....i dtknw.six?HAH)
..i can rmbr slightly.....vaguely.twas all smokey &thr
was loud music in this...bar/lounge place.
the typical obiang flashing lights.
thr was this small stage &my mom entered me
into the singing section with this girl
arnd my age i knew for about four minutes
the girl's her colleague's daughter
we sang happy birthday LOLS
..wht a selection &we won
yaay.
ohyes.thts all i rmbr..but apparently
my maid told me she was thr too(why,i forgot tht)
present,standing somewhr in the
mass of people,beside my mother.
she said the announcer/djay whoevr was
like passing the mic arnd
asking us for our ambitions,
doing his job.(as if he cared bout us buncha kids..geezums)
auntiemary said,
some said they want to become pilots
doctors
nurses
policemen
actresses
singers
thr were many kids who joined the singing thing
many ambitions..some were repeated.
she said many wanted to be doctors
&pilots.singers.
while i waited for her to tell me
wht i said on the stage,the mic shoved
right into my face..years ago.
i sat in the livin room,
wonderin wht was it i said.but
whtevr i
REALLY HVE NO IDEA.
a doctor?no i nvr wanted to be
one..........actress?huhh.
i hve no real ambition now.so wht
was it i said then?
why,it IS a very strange feeling to hve.
whtevr my maid was going to tell me,was
something i said many years ago,
sth which i can't recall,not at all now.
'barbie.you told the audience that you
wanted to be a barbie doll.'
..unreal.
HAH!
but ..AYE.darn i knew it'd be
sth unexpected
..makes me sad though
why not just some stupid crapambition just like other kids.
a barbie doll?
why so different.
a barbie doll was
a symbol of perfection for me then.&beautiful of course.
why,tht piece of plastic has everything.
a pretty hse,riches,a beautiful family,friends,besotted Ken wrapped arnd her
sleek finger adorned with sparkly rings.
i wonder.was i already aware,at such a tender age,
of the fact tht
i was so flawed
&imperfect?
it sickens me how i can't go back,&ask
the sixyrol'me
'are you happy..sad?even then?but why'
because i can't stop her frm fading away
i can't
remember her &her smile;despite how hard i try
the end of the year is coming so,ohh lets
set aside some time
to try remember what weve long forgotten
, 5:44 PM
10 LAYERS OF ME
LAYER ONE: ON THE OUTSIDE
Name: yiting
Birth date: dec-twentyeighth
Birthplace: singapore.
Current Location: here
Eye Color: darkbrown/coal
Hair Color: blacker &blacker.
Righty or Lefty: lefty - roools.
Zodiac Sign: capricorn.
LAYER TWO: ON THE INSIDE
Your heritage: ..singaporean doh.eyys i think my greatgrandfather is a shanghainese.
What Shoes Did You Wear Today:it's still early.hvnt decided to go out yet/gone out yet.
Your weakness: procrastinating. love.&being too impulsive with the things i do.
Your fears: love,losing someone dear,death,saying sth/doing sth regrettable. not doing sth/not saying sth when i want to.
Your perfect pizza: is shaped like THE gingerbreadman
Goal you'd like to achieve: eat THE gingerbreadman(from The Ginger Bread Man)'s legs.&my birthday wish of cus.HAH!not telling!
has anyone eaten gingerbreadman bfor?
LAYER THREE: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW:
Your most overused phrase: hahah.lols.omgomg.lololols.uhhms.hehs.kay.eyys..LOLS. (decided.it's 'lols') ...lols.
Your thoughts first waking up: nownow,where is my handphone. lols.
Your best physical features: ..none.
Your bedtime: when the clock strikes fifteen times.
Your most missed memory(memories): the ones..which i cannot remember anymore
LAYER FOUR: YOUR PICK:
Pepsi or Coke: coke.
McDonald's or Burger King: mcdonald's.
Single or group dates: dates as in..dates? single.
Adidas or Nike: adidas.
Lipton Tea or Nestea: cawfeeee
Chocolate or vanilla: choc
Cappuccino or coffee: frappaccino
LAYER FIVE: DO YOU?
Smoke: no.
Cuss: eyy no, effers.
Have a crush(es): ohohh like 8271956969187983726.
Think you've been in love: i dont know. with a tree.but the tree,wasn't in love with me.
Like(d) high school: no hwk.the teachersre all in a container,with a screwed-on lid hammered on using nine-inch nails. OMGOMG SKL.MY LOVE"O
Want to get married: dont think so.
Believe in yourself: .
Get motion sickness: sometimes,im not as bad as i was before
Think you're a health freak: HAH!far from it.
Get along with your parents: not all the time.but i love them 24/7
Like thunderstorms: oh yeah
Play an instrument: not a!single!one!(i sucked at the recorder too man ohhman)
LAYER SIX: IN THE PAST MONTH
Gone on a date: hahah,no.
Gone to the mall: of course.
Been on stage: mhm.
Eaten Sushi: yessums.
Been dumped: no.
Gone skating: not since long time ago.
Gone skinny-dipping: naw
Dyed your hair: no
Stolen anything: no.
ive only stolen once..this favourite pen of this girl i hated in primary four,just to hurt her.
but,then it ate at me,so i gave it back two days later.
Tuesday, December 27, 2005, 5:03 AM
HAHAAH
sherwin makes me happy!
we had a KERAYYYYZEE chat
maan,insane.
WISHLIST
must be hyyyped hyped hyped up for birthday
Saturday, December 24, 2005, 9:15 PM
merry christmas eve
for like the
gazillionth time.
(click on it to view it BIG)
it is calanthea the
beautiful santarina
'll post shots
showing her face(lols)soon enough
this has been
uhhms..taken in her house.
, 6:40 PM
oohh gwuns i really missed her
(ILYM)(ylight!
ilime.ilym LOLS.
twas till i pronounced it myself then
i realized ive seen it somewhr bfor..on your tagboard.
to think tht i didnt get wht he was going
on bout bfor this HEHS sloooow)
too bad yz wasnt online(she was slpin with her phone switched off)
if not it'd be us four
art makes me happy too
i don't care if this is temporary this is
all i have now,
but care.i care &i'm
getting through this with
help of course.
yknw what they say;
wht doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
i didnt die last night hello
hello stronger girl
..hah
so wht if i was alone last night.as long
as i knw tht im not now(yz,it's okay tht is all tht matters)
it's okay.(love)!
2400-1840 =WHTEVRS LEFT TO CHRISTMAS wheee
be happy yall
Friday, December 23, 2005, 10:11 PM
)onefrosteethesnowmAAAAAn &his snowcoveredhat
).balloon &a floating bed. oh wht joy.
)sock.
mmkay.....so ystrdy was one of the worst nights
ive evr experienced but
righteeoh,ive made it through &woken up to christmas eve.
ystrdy is over.o-v-e-r
twasnt x'mas eve ystrdy
but it's christmas eve tday!
two different days.
(LOLS,okay point made)
so ive doodled a fair bit(clrized in ps)
{click on 'em to VIEW EM BIG.
im soso determined to be one of those beaming idiots when
santa comes round the corner bcus he
only loves the ones who're happy
JOYJOYJOYJOYJOJYOJYOJYONKY
thank you yz,hj &sh
, 11:30 AM
you shd hve seen her face
she called me out to scream at me
not to talk.no not to talk
so we had a screaming match.i did well(thr was
room for improvement)
but she was better.
suddenly on her face was incriminating
evidence
as plain as day i could read
'i love your brother more than
i love you.you knw wht,i dont really love you to begin with'
off her face.
mygodohmygodoh my
her face changed she started tellin me off
about sth else,dredged frm the past
just to distract me frm
whtevr ive seen in her
whtevr.i cudnt really hear her
can't listen nothing else
can't speak properly my sobs
drowned her voice out can't hear nothing else
i wanted so much to ask 'do you love him more
than you love me'but my voice broke(being the
crap tht i am)
thick with tears so
i walked into my room &sat myself down
minutes later i scribbled words on a paper
dripdripdrippp- &started taking pictures
of my tearstains.
she came into my rm &asked me why i
walked off,so i said
'bcus you were obviously on
his side.thr was nth to say anymore.'
she said if she was,why didnt i say so,instead of walkin of like tht
'bcus you were shouting at me too loudly.i cudnt
get a word in.'
'you dont talk to us anymore.you spend most of your time
using the computer.on photog.smsing. going out
with your friends.
actually im starting to not knw you anymore'
'but sometimes thrs just.......nothing to talk about really.'
but in the end
she:sorry, okay. im sorry,'re you happy now?
no no no im not happy
bcus by apologizing youre unknwingly ADMITTIN IT
don't admit it,tell me tht i am wrong.show me tht
im wrong in thinking so.
.BUT I CUDNT SAY IT.lord,
i cry too much.
im relyin too much on people now i
can feel it.
n
e
e
d
y
.how sorely disappointed i was
when it felt like i had no one no one no one no one
to talk to.i dialled some numbers.
even if thr is someone, i can't even answer e
question 'wht happened?'
why're you cryin so badly?
the tiff?with my mom.but no,it's not just
tht.i was crying so badly as if someone just died
for crap'ssake.
the tiff simply topped things off,
wait,topped WHAT off?
i dtknw.i dtknw how to begin.im not
sure if i even knw it myself.
it is disgusting i am disgusting to even hve
felt disappointment bcus it isnt your faults bcus hell,wht
am i saying;wht was i expecting?
someone to swoop down frm godknwswhr &make me
feel all better?
i can do this by myself.get better alone.
it's not that bad being alone,it's not that bad.
my dad knws nothing bout it(i think)
so when he spoke to me just now
i replied in my usual way of replyin him
my voice;against the silence it sounds
so full of cheer
i smiled at him &all.i wonder if it looked genuine enough.
yknw,pretendin tht im fine doesnt
take much effort at all.
in fact,it's starting to become.
so.easy.
you effin hypocrite.
since
you can sound okay
look like youre okay
i dont giv a fuck if youre not okay.
, 4:36 AM
(click on it.
click on it to view it big)
honono..
merry christmas
!for those who might feel as lonely as me(NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO
ALRIGHTT.yessums,even me.)
festive joy people,
festive joy.put those
reindeer ears youve bought on
(ohh,don't be embarrassed,now)
youre all set.party on.
Thursday, December 22, 2005, 1:21 AM
youre a star. unknwingly
;unhinged -
frm the sky with a sheen
i thought only purple velvet had
the nights were dark for days &angels
the angels,they wept for you
.last night you were sent hurtling
for the ground
but falling starsre......
..nonetheless,stars. burning hot rocks
hidden amongst the chaparral is
the girl who waits
with a bucket in her lap
&her hands clutch the rim in....in wht?in wht,i can't really tell...
she has been sitting since the gloaming.she bites her lip
..&suddenly
.it looks like anticipation.
white-knuckled hands anticipating to grapple the fallen.
falling star.
fallen star:her wish granter all this while..
her fingers scorched black with a sheen i thought
only purple velvet had
but she.she is willing to hold you
hold you as you slowly extinguish
with your light
.diminished
say your goodbyes &goodnights for you
;
Wednesday, December 21, 2005, 2:28 AM
i don't feel for you anymore;
Another day has gone
I'm still all alone
How could this be
You're not here with me
You never said goodbye
Someone tell me why
Did you have to go
And leave my world so cold
Everyday I sit and ask myself
How did love slip away
Something whispers in my ear and says
That you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay
But you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart
But you are not alone
'Lone, 'lone
Why, 'lone
Just the other night
I thought I heard you cry
Asking me to come
And hold you in my arms
I can hear your prayers
Your burdens I will bear
But first I need your hand
Then forever can begin
Everyday I sit and ask myself
How did love slip away
Something whispers in my ear and says
That you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay
For you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart
For you are not alone
Whisper three words and I'll come runnin'
And girl you know that I'll be there
I'll be there
.it's been long since ive felt so alone.hvin
listened to this song for so loong but it isnt exactly
working its magic yet.
i am.not convinced.lies lies
lieslies
hrms mayb wht yz said was true .mayb thts wht
i want too.not my guy,but a guyfriend which i
can still feel comfortable arnd while practically hanging
off him....without being misunderstood.
i want to share secrets i want to hear yours.
i want to sleep knwing thingsll be fine &dandy tmmrs
&we're still friends.platonic friendship. the closeness tht friends
share ..without tht strange gawky awkwardness.
plain. good.nothingll change.
i don't knw wht i want.
you want to hurt me.
do you hve any idea how it's like
when i drop dead.limp &unresponsive in your arms
thesere eyes whichre blind to your touch
dead girl's eyes.
tearsll fall alongside me but they'd nvr knw
why how why
'the nxt thing i knw,she was gone
&cold to the world'
no one knws bcus no one was
thr even you.youve nvr truly heard the things i said
&you probably nvr will agn you were
deafened by the games you play
whtevr i say here will be forgotten when i wake tmmrs!hurray for
stm.
so..you knw how it goes.
no questions.
Sunday, December 18, 2005, 8:26 AM
yessums
i hve created a survey for you lovelies.alrightalright,so i was bored)
yes you,the same who's currently thinkin to him/herself
,'hell no,im not doin this'
but you ARE.bcus youre lovely plus these're e things i really want to knw about you(presently)
01. NAME;
02. AGE;
03. WHERE DO YOU LIVE;..........*sms me this.im sendin x'mas cards.
04. WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY;
05. WHAT MAKES YOU SAD;
06. DO YOU ENJOY READING MY JOURNALLL;
07. YEAH I KNOW YOU DO, BUT WHY;
08. SOMETHING YOU MUST TELL ME RIGHT NOW;
09. ARE YOU IN LOVE AT THE MOMENT;
10. FAVORITE PLACE TO BE;
11. THE PERSON YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT right now;
12. ARE YOU GONNA COPY ME & PUT THIS IN YOUR JOURNAL;
13. THE HAPPIEST MEMORY YOU OWN;
14. THE PEOPLE YOURE TALKING TO;
15. ARE YOUR HANDS RESTING ON THE KEYBOARD now;
RECOMMEND
01. A MOVIE;
02. A BOOK;
03. A BAND, SONG, OR ALBUM;
(whoevr's free enough)post under the comments option please.not the tagboard.
01. NAME;yi ting
02. AGE; FOURteen
03. WHERE DO YOU LIVE;in YOUR HEARTS<3 &no,for the fifth time,im not moving out!
04. WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY;spending my time wiv ppl i love
.cotton candy
.watching people laugh
.polka dots
.owning new stuff
.browsing my ol' stuff.
.art
&just walkin beside someone who'd maintain e silence when i can't listen no more
(long list.i shd be quite a happy one eyys hahah)
05. WHAT MAKES YOU SAD;coming back &seeing tht no one did my survey.starts tearing-
.looking into the mirror.
.seeing someone i recognize,but dt'knw anymore.
.not being able to meet my own/others' expectations
.forgetting..
06. DO YOU ENJOY READING MY JOURNALLL;(considerin tht I wrote this survey.uhhms!
yes i do enjoy readin my own journal)
07. YEAH I KNOW YOU DO, BUT WHY;because.
08. SOMETHING YOU MUST TELL ME RIGHT NOW;i want to..tell myself(since i wrote this rurhrr).to be happier i guess
.such a bother answerin my own questions
09. ARE YOU IN LOVE AT THE MOMENT;i love people but no,im not in love
10. FAVORITE PLACE TO BE;by your side when you need someone
11. THE PERSON YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT right now;nobody in particular.
12. ARE YOU GONNA COPY ME & PUT THIS IN YOUR JOURNAL;LOLS. feel free to do so.
13. THE HAPPIEST MEMORY YOU OWN;thr isn't any particular happIEST one.
14. THE PEOPLE YOURE TALKING TO;hejun, hengyi.
15. ARE YOUR HANDS RESTING ON THE KEYBOARD now; lols. left hand.(right one's on mouse)
RECOMMEND
01. A MOVIE;none.
02. A BOOK;nothing in mind.
03. A BAND, SONG, OR ALBUM;because of you ;kellyclarkson.
and i don't know where you are,
i guess i hvnt looked too hard
because i'm afraid that i might find you
i felt it all,your starry nights, your lack of light:
Saturday, December 17, 2005, 2:16 AM
(competitions'rnt accurate readings of one's
potential most of e time ,so don't let it get you down yaa
'stead,strrrrive harder
us..most imptly HER of cus hehs,we believe in you yay!)
i'd hate to witness our love's death
for the umpteenth time.
plunging unprotected hands in the heart
all prickly with fragments of the past
puttin em on the replay when theyre meant to be
.forgotten
chucked aside in the darkest corner..whr cobwebs
&whtnot line the walls.
well when memories're put aside,they
culminate in the worst ways evr
so why don't you show me just
how real you can be
&tht ive been dreaming all this while
.
nobody shall ask me about this.
__________________________
lahdeedahh.went to town wiv e girlfs(excludin yz cus she's
gna return frm m'sia at night)bfor goin down to jurong
&..ohh no.even town is starting to bore me.perhaps
it's the lack of freeflow cash lols or else
town'd be soo interesting.
gahh gee, still.i hardly think so.
anws i bought a shirt tday(finally). fleshimp.green.
startin frm this comin monday thr'd be
orientation dance practs &i for one am not lookin
forward to orientation.ruhrr.
simply bcus i knw we won't rock the orientation
....................................i can feel it in my
bones.(i was at this cantonese restaurant
last nyt &the fortune teller cookie told me. .noo DUH)
hehs if we're not up to standard(assumin
we're of a certain standard in the first place),it may b
due to the lack of practice &....well we simply
don't feel hyped up for it.
sokay.i still<33!dance
i AM so lookin forward to our concert.hopefully
it'd be permitted by boon.if she doesn't permit
us to hold our concert..
...we'll slap her face offwe'll ask nicely,
beg,or even compliment her about her nice hair.
(.retch)
wht an uncommon sight;a bunch of dancesoc. girls
grovelling at her feet.
pretty.pedicured.feet.
retchhhhhhhh.
(just in case she reads this which is like
lololol one in a million chances im just being retarded)
ahems.im not sacrificing our chances.
i usually feel lethargic in e day
&awake like nth else at night..
.......but oofphey.am startin to feel tired now.
Thursday, December 15, 2005, 4:07 AM
the more you change
the less you feel
;
Monday, December 12, 2005, 9:44 AM
the bloodhounds which picked up the scent of
desperation, from a place too far away
and the misplaced trust settled in the depths of
their hearts like a brightly painted disease
tainting your veined limbs a shade of emerald green
- the blinding bright in you is flickering
&their heartbeats slowing down to flutter alongside yours
reduced to a dim glow
to snuffed by a mere whisper's breath.
things i don't remember
.december is the sickest month
oh how i love you
only you - the only one i love enough to leave
tomorrow i'll leave you,you only you
just like how petals'd fall off a dying flower
to be forced between page 47/48
to serve as a memory.
in the looseleafs you have fluttering by your grave
you have my name tattooed in ink.
tonight you'll hold me in your arms
tonight your pulse's a cacophony of noises
..you have my mother's eyes
i'll leave you when the first ray
hides us from all shadows,dawn
because darling, i can;t save you from me anymore.
Sunday, December 11, 2005, 7:51 PM
the day began like a..sardonic entry.(putting it figuratively,tht is).however, when it reached the..
fourth sentence the whole tone changed.
hohos must the festive spirit
tht's in the air now(the same one which i don't feel)
it doesn't really feel like christmas is coming,does it.
'youre in love with love harry.' eamon said.
'youre in love with the idea of love.
cyd's a grand girl - but what's special about her is that you can't have her.
that's what really grabs you.'
tony parsons,man & boy
______________________________
weitheng says i'm in love with love.
to be honest,i couldn't really relate at first,
until i came across it in that book.
gorgeous book,brilliant, it is.
STRANGE.it's not like i call/sms e three of em much anws
.but now tht theyre gone it feels quite strange indeed.
i!love! my! grlfs.
BUT IM SURVIVIN.unlike some mr.random nick
who's positively turning in his grave:D
cals' gna be back by tues.
gwuns' weds.
yz's comin back the latest,friday.
am going out with jo tmmrs:D finally!aft
the changing of dates.hahah..uhhm wait HOW
IN THE WORLD
am i supposed to leave my hse lyk THIS.
.........nvrmind..
.it WAS meant for a concept
at first.but now........i regret even hving HARBOURED e
thought of sacrificing my hair for photog
in the very first place.(did i forget to mention tht IVE FORGOTTEN MY CONCEPT!?!!)
OHH ALL HAIL YITING
;yet another smartassed decision gone AWRY.
shall stick with it for the time being.
bcus it's too early to tell.people grow into bangs
but if it seriously still looks like ive been let loose in the
streets with an effing black bowl
over my head two weeks later,im gna hve em layered so
it looks like NORMAL FRINGE.rurrh.(i hve a foreboding feeling tht
the nxt time someone comes near me with a pair of
scissors,thr'd be disastrous results)
but nvrmind me &my foreboding feelings!
im feeling fine tday.
..art gets me out of the blackest moods
yongzhi'd commend me for this.another
jokey LIGHTHEARTED entry!
boy ohh boy,just look at the number of those
exclamation marks.
well wht do you knw!i started typing this entry
bcus i wanted to blog
bout the hateful mosquitoes which deserve to
be squished flat &hve their innards splattered all over the wall
..clears throat.
i mean ,the mosquitoes which
WLDNT stop biting me.howevr i can count the number
of mosquitoes ive killed my whole life using one hand.
four/five, give or take.
RURRH.rurhr!!'okay drop the act' you say,'youre
no mean kicking mosquito squishing machine.'(rhymes!xD)
youve got tht right.
&i took such a long time
typing/reading blogs/browsing
art/typing/browse more art/resume typing (according to sequence)
so long tht the mossie bites don't itch no more.
hurray.
This town's always gonna think I'm a little crazy
Somebody's always gonna try to label me insane
Funny how i always seem to be the one who's crazy
I just wanna live,I don't wanna fit
If that makes me crazy, then I am
I just want to live
I don't want to fit
I just want to try
I don't want to quit
If that makes me crazy, I am
Saturday, December 10, 2005, 10:29 PM
i'll live it again and again and again and again and again
and again and but not with you again and again and again
and again
and again and again and again and again and again and again
and again and again
, 2:33 AM
i'm tired of hvin to sound happy,look happy
being happy.
no,it is not a pretense.
but somehow it feels as if once
youve shown others tht youre finally okay,
theyll hve the impression tht youre
staying tht way. tht's a beautiful impression
&sth wonderful to believe in
;i don't want to be e one spoiling it.
because you don't want to hve someone
crumpling into a heap in your arms,do you,when
you can see their eyes lighting up instead
i want to see smiles on the faces of my
loved ones.i take comfort in the fact tht
theyre full of joy. i'd hate to see em upset.tht'd
get me upset.
same goes for you too.you might say otherwise,
but the same goes for everyone.you would want
to see me happy too..i do not wish to dampen your spirits..
therefore........... even in
depths of the night when i feel unsure of
everything i hve,everything i think i am
tht desperation to hang on to wht i used to hve,
&hve already lost.
the regret tht sting my eyes,still
,when my thoughts wander back to the present
to whr gladness
of the hearts is yet tangible
......i do not show.tht'd be too selfish. showing would mean
sobbing.e sobbing
would go on for years and years. i hve no tears.
BECAUSE i'm nitpicking,am i not.. i knw tht..im nitpicking when some
hve it worse off than me.
but this wall of confusion
which i might hve built around myself using my own hands
..fingers with the scratched remains of gaudy pink polish
(with all the might i can muster
,i use to think tht i amalostcause)
i cannot take it down alone.i am simply..powerless
against it.against my own mind.
i cannot take it down with
anyone else present,because no one else knows the power
it has over me. i do not intend to allow tht.
that is a lot to digest,you don't hve to bother.
..at night i type particularly verbose entries
the nightsre the worst..
when my mom looks at me in the way she looked at me,
it brings tears to my eyes
one (long-awaited)day i'll feel better.
this is only temporary.
i suddenly miss joanne deardearcousin a lot a lot
see you on monday love
sometimes ignoring it would trick you into believing that
such pain is not there.in the presence of smiles &laughter
such pain simply does not exist.it simply cannot.right?
then again,tht is ,too,only temporary.
Friday, December 09, 2005, 3:52 AM
stray.ange.
surveys.lols THE cue to leave a blog.
&the questions rnt even interesting.ive seen
some decent ones a few days ago,but can't find
em now.some self-entertainment.
1.What have u been doing these past few days?
sleeping till uhhms two,eating.
something tells me i'll wind up crushing the next weighing machine i step on;
2. Last movie you watched.
exorcism of emily rose.twas thought provoking.
3. Favorite song/s?
usually songs with the lyrics i can relate to.accompanied by decent tunes of course
5. What are you planning to do this weekend?
cut my hair agn HEHS.eat.sleep.eat.eat.sleeeeeep.
6. Do you smoke?
nuh uhh.
7. Any people in love with you right now?
hrms nobody.
8. Do you prefer SMS or talking on the phone?
phone.
9. Are you missing someone right now?
YES.someonesss.my two girlfs cals &gwuns who are currently gallavanting in
in thailand,malaysia respectively
yz'll join the whole ditch-yiting-in-singapore evil scheme by entering malayisa tmmrs
roar.
10. What are you doing right now?
doing THIS.&wondering WHY im doing THIS.
11. When was the last time you received a text msg?
less than a minute ago
12. Ten words that fit you right now.
.
rebel.
13. Name your best friends...
<3
14. One person you want to spend the rest of your life with?
i. am. a greedy girl.family and friends. one less:NO DEAL.
15. What were you doing before this?
wanting to blog,yet not knwing wht to say.
my eyes then came to a teethering halt upon catching sight of
this survey which makes absolutely no sense at all.
16. What are you thinking now?
should i cut my hair again.or not.
17. What did you do last night?
msn.sms.calls. GAHH THE PAINS OF BEING A BOR-ED/ING TEENAGER.
18. What did you last say to a friend last night?
goodnight.
19. What attracts you to a gurl/guy?
the attraction itself.
20. What makes you happy?
photography .beautiful things.seeing the smile in people's eyes.
21. What are you wearing now?
some oversized black shirt(ohh it's the studentcamp'o5 tee) and shorts.
22. Who was the last person you talked to?
the survey guy who says we share e same interests.
23. What do you want to tell someone?
go away.and stay thr.
24. When is your birthday?
soon..twentyeightth december.
25. When is your crush's birthday?
crushless.
26. When did you last smile?
when i read the below
from a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first,
but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.
in a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
hahah..right.
&some real standing laws.
California:
1. Community leaders passed an ordinance that makes it illegal
for anyone to try and stop a child from playfully jumping over puddles of water.
Washington:
1. All lollipops are banned.
2. A law to reduce crime states: "It is mandatory for a motorist with criminal intentions
to stop at the city limits and telephone the chief of police as he is entering the town.
Nebraska:
1. A parent can be arrested if his child cannot hold back a burp during a church service.
Massachusetts:
1. Mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches.
Kentucky:
1. It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket.
_________________
hve you seen these?brilliant.
okayokay so i didnt just smile
.some of these got me laughing out loud
Tuesday, December 06, 2005, 3:44 AM
i basically had THE MOST AMAZING TIME SOMEONE CAN EVER HVE yesterday
lololols nahh but i did hve some good ol' fun
(we had our neos taken!alas, aft three loong yrs
ill be postin em AFT yz gets enough rest &energy to make it to THE OTHER ROOM for scannin)
we four re dahhh invincible.
don't believe tht.?ive solid evidence for backup,take a look at gwuns.
a second look.
third look.(OKAY wipe tht drool off your chin,
you wudn want shuttlecocks'd to b heading your way wud you HEHS)
even aft three looks,you NVR nevaaah wudve guessed tht she's
just 'gwynneth by day,table by night!' right. RIGHT!?
INSAIIIIIDE JOKE.
i personally dislike it terribly when people do tht. laugh
so LOUDLY,(till everyone hears em..wait. FOR everyone to hear em)
&when you ask why
they say,'oh.inside joke.' so matter-of-factly tht i'd want to stuff their
mouths with socks.
i've just said 'inside joke'.
ive just....(clears throat tentatively)excluded you frm a joke.
tht shld..
....give you enough..reason to hate me,
but PLS DON'T.BCUSSS im asking you nicely not to!"D
.see. A JOKEY BLOG ENTRY.
if i can do it,everyone can! lols
hehs.blogging in a jovial manner is
quite ideal for raising the spirits of someone feeling down.
i nvr should hve said tht.
..back to feeling like death itself now
.tips, anyone?
mayb i should start painting my nails BRIGHT PINK IN CLR.(cringe.)
take tht, gloom.im all bout cheeriness.
yiting is bYmbotIk spelled wrong.
bye loves.
keKekex.^_^V
Sunday, December 04, 2005, 12:43 AM
yknw thrre some blogs owned by people which i enjoy reading
don't think anyone'd enjoy reading mine hehs
november's gone so fast,i do
feel like ive only lived through half of
it. the other half i spent waiting for time to turn
back to whr i first. rewind.
whr i first hurt.
rewind. hurt myself.
. with each biting word imprinted on my tongue,each hurt..
...uhhm no,i think ive spent half of
november waiting for december to arrive
now tht it has,it feels as if the year'd be better if it ends with nov.
how bout that; we(no, only you) won't hve to experience the cold cold
endings anymore.no december,no me.
eleven months a year.
janfebmaraprmayjunejulyaugseptoctnov.janfebmarapr
i'm going out wiv THE GRP TMMRS!
.do you knw how rareeee such outings are.
heavens we hvn even got a neoprint of four of us tgthr!
(the lightning &thunder come in here)
each and everyone of us
we're all unique,that makes being unique
..common.
you said,put your arms in the air okay? LET GO
when the pirate ship's on it's way down!
i exclaimed,what!? hve you gone nutty
but i did it anyway,&the wind held my hair up
laughter in my voice, i turned around to see you holding on..