OKAY HI,YOU,DRINK THIS ALL IN.
Standing on the rooftops,
Everybody scream your heart out.
THE WRITTEN WORD
Monday, September 25, 2006, 8:10 PM
maybe it's just me couldnt you believe that everything i said indeed wasn't just deceiving
_
heartbreaking tune and voice..
lah.pffffies.
prelim results rnt good,but definitely better than how much
i thought i was gnna get aftr taking the papers.
_
youre invincible,yeah it's true
it's in your eyes,where i find peace
_
if i asked you to stay would you stay
_
i don't know,i just woke up from a nap in the evening cus i thought sleeping
would help.
this world needs surcease.
i need to be lost in something.
, 5:10 AM
Saturday, September 23, 2006, 3:10 AM
okay these fluttering sensations are really getting to me.apparently im being stupid,
'an idiot' and evrythng for thinking what were said to be 'out of point' thoughts which are
'so off LAH!'
ive never wanted so desperately to be proven wrong before.
..I SO DESPERATELY WISH FOR YALL TO BE RIGHT,ive even prayed.
.__.
.
tonight,unlike the night many moons ago, i will not write about unforgiveness
and the bitter sweet taste i had starved for so long it morphed into something else
right before me,
tonight, bells rang and broke the walls of silence i had
silently erected all around
us.tonight ;i had done the impossible, which was doing something i had never done
before, .anything, anything meaning something as
meaningful as staring from under the table.
the table legs shudder under the most intense of gazes,just before one left the three others,
,i shut my eyes.
i always did the things i was always doing
sometimes it feels like a power has been unleashed,a power which was formerly
caged up in my ribs,
and now it has left to roam my insides.i want it caged again,
or lose it forever,so i don't feel its slight flutter from time to time.
i beg for surcease.
okay im writing too much and taking too little pictures.the balance the balancee where is the balance
Friday, September 22, 2006, 5:56 PM
..worrying about the flutterings going on in the inside of me.{i wish i'd stop thinking.yeah just stop thinking.}
, 11:44 AM
, 2:09 AM
my words can twist the new realities into
undecipherable fables,it's unintentional it's unintentional
but i'm the worst kind of sad,biting the inside of my cheeks and locking the
bedroom door.
nothing can happen,i'll dream up my goodbye letters, most of the time i just wait for something to happen.
{usually nothing does}it doesn't take an imagination too vivid to see you ,shifty-eyed
.staring pointedly at your feet which walked their ways in and out of hearts.
with a raised voice i will look deep into you and say my goodbyes vulgarly
quick,explosive speech
what happened to what was planned initially?a slow g-o -o - d- b - y- e,
each letter
slipping past your lips,sinking comfortably into the space where your stomach lies
this comprehension will light up your weary eyes,'this separation is for forever?'
my words has to be carefully sculpted and
transparent,in order for me to see the resignation in your eyes
when you realize it is me you love,and will love for all your life
i guess a few seconds later, you realize your thinly-veined hands can keep me by your side,
so you wave goodbye.
and a sinking sense of finality tugs at my heartstrings from the field outside,from outside this home,
from all the places where you can't possibly exist in.
as i wonder if
self-pity stems from a deepest sympathy,
a watching-from-afar-from-behind-the-line-spectator sort of feeling for myself,
the worst kind of sadness stalk the darkest streets,
infiltrates at will even in the presence of bright light,
_
puhs sometimes i get so fricking scary i wonder if i suffer from mild depression.l.o.l
tht'll suck.but it'll explain things,at least
still,that sounds so much like a medical condition that i dont wish to find out.
'teenage angst' is an understatement.
tonight,i remembered that i forgot about photography;how caan i!maybe channeling some pent-up energy to snapping away
will help.expect some kickass shots soon anywaay{........uh.:D}
i just want everyone,everything to be fine again.
:[
prelims are over and knowing the results will be unbearable.
pft....!.uh i dtknw how long to olvls olvls,
i mean, how shorrrrrt to olvls,it's KERRRAYZEEE.
it'll be here in a flash.rejuvenate yaselves with some rest if you deserve it people,
for those who do not deserve rest,
rest anyway.
apologies don't mean a thing when there's no need for them
in the very first place,silly.
i just want everything to be crazy-normal again.which is fine.
fine is crazy-normal.
not this.
Thursday, September 21, 2006, 12:04 AM
i hate feeling like the victim;
somehow{i may be deluded} ,i feel like a victim tonight,
shant take pity on me,
but leaving now is......
don't you realize how i can't afford this loss?
the VERY THOUGHT,'i think by leaving,things won't worsen,
because i'm a jinx.' ,this very thought is the mistake.
if you feel like you caused me anything bad,it is this.
how can you think leaving is the decision to make,
it isn't.
i'm saying that it isn't,we're all saying that it isn't the decision to make, dont our words count?
don't listen to those miserable,misleading thoughts
SHUT THEM OUT SHUT THEM OUT LISTEN TO ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME
you dont care for and love me less than how i care for and love you
so why subject me to this hurt now.
it's trying enough the way it is already,
why can't you just understand that youre blameless.
just accept that youre almost UNINVOLVED in this,
if there's anything,it's because you know us.
believe me,please?
promise youll believe me,please?
i'm telling the truth,please please
PLEASE
PLEASE
PLEASE
PLEASEplease?
i thought i'll heal just fine,though a long,drawn-out process,
the truth is i'm not too sure now.
i feel so broken now.
so that's laughable,plss, which twit says,'i feel so broken now'?
me me me.dont yall always say you want the truth?
want to know what i'm thinking? tonight, i'm thinking;
i'm so broken,i really can't deal with this,i'm not brave enough
i can't please please please please spare me
please please,lines lines lines lines lines lines
please please,theyre almost all gone now.
lines lines lines lines please please please please
why won't everyone just leave me.
you think youre the only one thinking this,no..this aftrnn
i thought about how i couldve saved you from this,by not uttering a word.
if my mouth was kept tightly clamped,none of this would ve....
.
do you find that ridiculous?
but you being a jinx,nthg can beat that.
its the most absurdly wrong thing.
you know.it's easier to leave.i'll just close my eyes as everyone takes their leave
i'll help you by pretending i'm fine.
i'm fine.no,
.i'm really really fine.
once i felt unworthy,
my friend told me,'i don't really think it's up to us to really judge how worthy
or not we are..we may think about it but in the end,
the most important thing is that we be grateful for the love thats given to us
and try to not take it for granted and hurt those people who do find it in their hearts
to love us.'
it was an enormous chunk of words,but evry word made its way to my heart
it IS much easier to be thankful for those who find it in themselves to love me
,i'd rather that than deeming myself unworthy all the time,
and hurting those who love me at the same time.
i wonder if you can get ovr this self-inflicted misery and guilt enough to allow those words to strike you as hard as they struck me.
tonight,youve proved to me what
'sharing my load',and 'telling those whom you trust,as theyll be thr for you' will cause
you think youre weak,you react the way you do,
i think i may be weaker,i think my sanity is in shreds,
i don't know how to react anymore,i dt wnna hve any reaction whtsoevr anymore
leaving may seem like the right thing to do to you,
but to me,it's just.....i hate it so much,it's beyond words.
okay
okay.
okay no more 'please's okay
i'll shut my eyes as everyone takes their leave
i'll help you by pretending i'm fine,alright,sweet girlfie.
i'm fine.no,
.i'm really really fine.
tell someone?whatevr for?there is no need for such hassle
,for i'm fine.i'm really really fine.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006, 8:54 PM
can you still feel the butterflies
slow down;'if you merely watch,their significance dims,
so why watch when your fingertips can feel this light flutter,'she closed her eyes so i followed suit
but i opened mine to a hollowed chest,she just wasn't there anymore
however i searched,but who was i listening to?
but the winged creatures were out of reach in the first place,however i searched
but
i'm so afraid i'm so afraid i'm so afraid
and i won't ever stop feeling so afraid
i want to hate you,i want to hate you so much
,with a fury leaving no one unscathed.
but i leave only myself with these burns,this rotten core this
undeserving
core
thanks soo much grlfiies for all the love nevertheless
it's just so difficult.
Sunday, September 10, 2006, 2:38 PM
AFTER TWO YEARS
I FOUND OUT JUST NOW,THAT THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH MY SOUNDCARD
hello?remember,two years ago,when gwynneth came over with her new mp3
(gosh,like two years ago)we took the speaker plug out
and plugged into her mp3 riight.
has anyone realized that the speaker plug has always been there
for the plugging of mp3s........cd players...when you guys come over
but not the computer?
this is hilarious.
when the speaker's wired plug out all this time,
{not connected to the computer at all}
how in the world was i supposed to listen music from the computer.
LOLS oh gosh oh gosh
Saturday, September 09, 2006, 1:10 AM
it's time to leave,
no it isn't too late,why sadden hearts with this tear-streaked face
when everyone in this world is smiling down at me
yes,i am in the deepest trough dug lovingly by hand,but with your departure
it's time for me to leave here as well.
i'll miss yearning for you,yearning for something always
just one bit too far to reach
days just pass me by when i sit and watch them whizz past,
grazing my cheek with the speed.
i wonder how all these decisions got made when i hardly think about them
new people scare me!i don't wish for them to know me,
but they should know about our lives,maybe they will help us
find out more about ours?they'll help you ,do hand them your hearts
okay it's time to reallyreally get productive with the books
:[
Friday, September 08, 2006, 12:50 AM
when in doubt,
hold on tight with your questioning eyes wide.
aah;\the day hasn't been productive!
i am unexplainably drawn to the Blogger site today{well,the computer as a whole:D}
i want to write words without the interruption of thoughts of awful results
pffft i shdn't give vj up just because of the work which comes
along with it.but.
weeeell,
for someone who has has almost three whole subjects left in three days
,i should stop this thinking and start the doing!
it's finally here people,stress,
i'm stricken with stress!{and here,blogging about it}
:]
:[
i walk in the streets pretending that only I can see you,
but you can't see me.
and for a fleeting moment,
i can almost see the thoughts behind your eyes,
but you can't see mine.
Tuesday, September 05, 2006, 7:51 PM
if i were paper i'd jump over candles
and these flames dance to lick my toes
im going crazy.mugging is not for me,
i mean it,it's almost like I'm unable to mug or sthg.
probably something to do with my bone structure
hah,more to do about my cerebral hemispheres.in where cerebrospinal fluid flows,
attempts to absorb the shocks{of realization lol}.
it's like bye bye vj,
this will go on
until i have a brain transplant
until these exams are over and until i go all
'damn,i got that wrong.that,that and that too.'
OH NO.
years down the road my mom will bring me to a doctor
who'll then bring me the devastating news
regarding my undeveloped cerebral hemispheres
{oh that explains the difficulties i faced remembering the Formation Of WaterFalls}
cerebellum medulla oblongata
optic lobes malfunctioning hypothalamus{so my kidneys rnt working too!?}
HAH.the evil education system subjecting me to years of struggle
when i ought to be spared.
L O L S,oh please, enough,yiting!
get back to CHEMISTRY
push those mugging goggles back up your nosebridges now,
for,
if time were paper.half of it would be ashes now,
blown about by a lazy breeze,fanning its scent
, 1:06 AM
i'm the one who has left,yet i have left feeling like the one who has been left
the process of revealing more of yourself to someone is almost magical,
but much less so
when the person leaves.leaves you wishing so much that
you've remained a mystery waiting to be solved
shant entertain such thoughts.
over.
Sunday, September 03, 2006, 12:11 PM
there's this little wound on my second toe,after walking about in slippers
for too long yesterday.this morning,{just three minutes ago actually}
it started hurting so i lifted my foot to see this tiiiiiny red ant there.
.of AAAALL places to bite!
lols it's gone now though {heh.heh.hehhhh}
i'm getting this study vibe now,which has arrived a little too late if you'd ask me.
:Dbetter late than never though.
alright,how many more days before the Ps come?ive lost count darn
the monday aftr sept hols end,so that gives me....._days. SINGLE DIGIT PEOPLE,
SINGLE DIGIT.
START NOW IF YOU HVNT YET
lace up the mugging shoes!
_oh ya!i'm using the new green mouse now.HAH it works beautifully
say your goodbyes to being unable to click,
double clicking and triple clickingl{like which other mouse can triple click!?}