OKAY HI,YOU,DRINK THIS ALL IN.
Standing on the rooftops,
Everybody scream your heart out.
THE WRITTEN WORD
Wednesday, June 28, 2006, 9:28 PM
i knew a girl who had
glass for eyes,she raises them to meet mine {most of the time}
before her,no intensity of a gaze is felt.
she patiently stares right through my being,and due to this
i doubt my own existence.
the girl died with a hole in her chest
,the clock showed seven
accompanied by the sun barely glowing.
in between whimpers,
'i meant for this heart
to be given,all along.' her voice hoarse from all the crying
,a frantic whispering,will
continue to stalk my thoughts tonight.
'this,' i thought i heard,as i warmed
the cold still heart with trembling fingers
'to him,for him.'
, 7:30 PM
each time the soft embrace of your gaze drifts elsewhere,
{your eyes were so close to mine - mere centimetres - i thought for a moment that
i could see the very thoughts
sprouting from behind them}
my life plunges by notches in value,seemingly,
& impulsively all i want is to break into bits,just to marvel in sheer delight
at the magic of how only you can fix me.
ive grown weary of assuming,assuming
everything.assuming that what we have is indeed love
,reasoning with doubts that terrorize my entire being
this isn't love like those carefully fabricated in fairytales
nor is it like how i dreamt it to be.
but i tread past nights and days
i realize it doesnt take much,all it takes is to just
feel your skin against mine,
and it strikes me.
love or not,this may be all i need
whatever it is, i'm begging for it to not end.
hear my cries for you to remember me as the girl who kept you warm
no matter how short a while it lasted.
.so silent and sudden it catches you by surprise,
love reveals the hideousness it can mutate into,
{can,and will,}but only if you allow it to
an eternal lifespan of torment brought upon us by our own minds
.misery grips us by the heart,
with each heartwrenching squeeze,
in you i see slight imperfections,
&
that is perfection in my eyes.
____
And then I felt sad because I realized that once people are broken in certain ways, they can't be fixed,
and this is something nobody ever tells you when you are young and it never fails to surprise you as you grow older,
as you see the people in your life break one by one.
You wonder when your turn is going to be, or if it's already happened.
~ Douglas Coupland
this extract is so precious
yes,these days i live my days with only
longing in my head
Tuesday, June 27, 2006, 11:38 PM
if i look into your eyes
will i see your thoughts
fighting their little wars
behind your pretty face.
'turn,turn away' is winning,isn't it.
_
Isn't he the guy, the guy who left you cryin'?
Isn't he the one who made you blue?
When you remember those nights in his arms,
You know you gotta make up your mind
Are you gonna stay with the one who loves you
Or are you goin' back to the one you love?
Someone's gonna cry when they know they've lost you
Someone's gonna thank the stars above
What you gonna say when he comes over?
There's no easy way to see this through
All the broken dreams, all the disappointments
Oh girl, what you gonna do?
Your heart keeps sayin', "It's just not fair"
But still you gotta make up your mind
Are you gonna stay with the one who loves you
Or are you goin' back to the one you love?
Sunday, June 25, 2006, 12:27 AM
have you ever wondered how youd feel
,if i disappear slowly - toes first,fingers clenched,
or at one go,unnoticed.
hve you evr?
.i hve,and i don't know if
it'll bring about a sudden stab of anguish,.
and you and you and you and you and
will each and evryone of you remain as unmoving,as beautiful as evr
simply because it's a blanket of murdered love[\]
it's stifling,no matter
what anyone says,no matter what anyone does
all too obvious now,
the heart in me was left cold
for too long.
okay wht did i say before?i'm all about cheer and joy
and fah lah lah
Saturday, June 24, 2006, 11:28 PM
the same scene has been replayed so much i can't help but to doubt my memory,
the same scene suffused
with a sort of heavenly glow,fraying at its edges
even as i dream of your name,your eyes are pools of black
wax
dripping forlorn and almost glittering,
.
im in love with love i cant remember when i actually wasn't
eyecandy,mmhs i really like this picture!.
, 11:17 PM
hello!.
kingston may be leaving tmmrs
AND.undeniably; shit imma be sad when he goes
;plus.ive been incredibly bothered
by THE SAME OL SAME OL stuff recently
.SCHOOL PLEASE GO AWAY.
i cant take you right now.
my life is ending in..one day.hols hwk not touched -
in fact,
i had an image conjured in my head before the hols started,
myself mugging and becoming ultrasmart when
school reopens.
:D
:D
:D
..................
:[
DARNDARNDANG.
{tunes out.}i love you all who hve been thr for me
those who cared.will care.are caring
can't evr appreciate people enough
such a trying time for me.
Friday, June 23, 2006, 2:21 PM
possibly,this is love
your eyes are the most magnificent,
like the darkest gemstones,
as dark as - no,darker than - midnight when night turns
into black day ,they
glitter playfully
while looking the most forlorn.
thewaithasbegun somehow it feels as though ive never stopped
quite impossibly,this is love
Sunday, June 18, 2006, 3:48 AM
:D
your hearts are racing in trepidation
lo and behold a normal ish entry posted!.
..................{kay shant await any
applause which wouldnt come my way no matter how long the wait}
clears throat.
.tomorrows crowds'll be making their way to school
to witness a bball match btwn
king sw &sw's friends
&
hj and hj's friends.
ITS GNNA BE HUUGE.{uh......right}
ahahah.:D it'll be amusing
if people who're walkin about in school
actually watch the game,
esp when tmmr's match had originated in such a lame way.
.im psyched!.
a cruel and relentless showdown okay
im gnna laugh a lot,
it's just amusing to watch people i know playing basketball..
........it just IS.[sniffs]
i hope it'll be a game worth watching.[:
_*________
i found the chat in
cals' hse touching in a deep sort of way.
tentatively,i was trying
to spill what i felt inside,without pouring.
it's just so hard.
it wasnt difficult at all talking,but it got harder
when it came to actually..confiding.
i talk tons sometimes but each time,
i manage to swerve the very last second,past the
topics tht hurt,past those that feel too raw.
i need to adjust to confiding in people.
my insides' a dull roar,even i'm afraid too see wht ive inside
:[
i love you tons calanthea:D
try not to find the feelings you still hve daunting..
then agn im so proudda you.
regardless of your protests or anything,
i think youve been rlly brave.:]
ah dont we all wish to move on in the least painful
way evr.
gwungwuns i love you no less:D
and im so terribly sorry if i hvnt been any help lately,
esp the times when youre saad
.OH i hate it..feeling like i cant do anythng for you.;how i hope youre feeling loads bttr already
<3.
anyhoos yz is gone
so a shoutout when shes in perth
bedazzled by evrythng;
.from the peaceful stillness one can find thr
to the hopping joeys.i love ya GIRLIEE.
come back safe and exhilarated:D
sometimes i wonder if you still feel the way you do weeks ago.
other times i do wonder if it is right for me to know.
sometimes one should be kept guessing,for so long that
the desire to know ebbs away
.many times the waves pull at me and i give way,sometimes
i wonder if the one you love is me.maybe this is me,and
me as one whole .
,instead of the pieces and bits of me ive grown used to being -
sometimes i marvel at the possibility of existing in a whole.
i doubt it.it can't be possible.
sad people ought to ice skate.
hoho,
Monday, June 12, 2006, 7:43 PM
ive got tuition!.ive got tuition!
ive got tuitionnn ive got tuition.!
why do i sound so daarnn happy about it.
BOOHOOOOOOO.lols
now you get the point!
ive got tuition.
:[
Sunday, June 11, 2006, 4:29 PM
SNEAKPEEK.{okayokay!}
the sun was glorious,filtering through trees in the zoo.
curves in PS.
blue filter set in camera
first try at such hues,
&i <3,this one looks like film to me!.
chugachugaaa the train represents
transition
in life,on the train track you journey;
to be brought back to where you had begun
where you started from.
, 1:39 AM
ohhmg busybusy busy
i'm so busy with nothing really -
yet i'm still so very busy
aah i want to sit down and clear my thoughts,
all zen-like
the world is topsy alright.
she appears composed,so maybe she is,
really.
you want to know!do you.
Friday, June 09, 2006, 8:40 PM
my life has been whipped into shreds
,relentlessly,by me
i can't even remember my dreams,
they were
suffused with the stark morning blaze.
i can't believe i can;t believe i don;t
love you anymore.
}how incredible,but possible.{
in this dark,in this dark with outstretched fingrs
feel for me - - - - -
for this bit of warmth i have left,have for you
Sunday, June 04, 2006, 5:10 PM
i ask,am i anywhere near hitting bottom?
"where youre at, now,' 'you can't even imagine
what the bottom will be like."
when i can't hold on to angels
spiralling towards - i had opted for hell.
, 12:17 AM
i was there,and went and came back
you were there so i went and came back
to see if you were there,still,and the
answer was 'yes,
always here,' i went,came back and went,
two weeks ago i was there
,came back
came back to a room you left
and never would return to.(()
______
i am out of this world,
my tolerance to boredom has grew i think!just in case,
just in case,i'm turning to READING TONS AND TONS OF GOOD BOOKS
THIS HOLS.{when am i gnna turn to studying?}
the standard of my english has not gone up at all since FOREVR maybe,but
plummeted evr since i've given up reading.
seriously im reusing the same words agn and agn
when i write recently.sometimes they dtevn
occur to me.
the very few books i read recently do not register in my head at all.
the last book i had properly read was probably the art of murder.
the joy of reading is wondrous,drop by a library now!
this advertising must end.
need you ask,the Regional Library Assoc. had to pay me
tons of doshh for this:D
only aftr i've finished
ten satisfyingly gooood books will i start on the textbooks.
mwahhs.squishy lip face.}
may all who are at the student camp now receive this
telepathic message i'm sending now!
"have fuuuun -"
mars is a red bloated cookie,sink your teeth at the count of
?
i am out of this world,