OKAY HI,YOU,DRINK THIS ALL IN.
Standing on the rooftops,
Everybody scream your heart out.
THE WRITTEN WORD
Monday, November 29, 2004, 8:05 PM
you try to bleed
but it's too dry inside
it's time we tried to tie up these ends
and i'll miss you
((we could have still been friends(?)
past tense
past tense
past tense
but i'll still miss you
and i really wantED you to be the one
beside me, all cuddly with a face
stuffed full of popcorn
and you'll ask me if im cold,
through dense eyelashes
before you start shovelling more from the box
with your bunched up fingers
ha. i seriously wanted to laugh. you just looked... plain hungry.
but then you left.
you smeared oil over the left side of my face
with awkward fingers
freezing sticks of ice
maybe you asked me whether if im cold
because you were cold?
and i wonder why i didnt scream for a facial cleanser
but then you left.
and i didnt stop you
purely because i couldnt
you wanted to go
to leave the memory banks
of my mind
swamped with itty grisly details
i cant really remember
the below is not about him. dont ask me who's it abt. i dknow, really. ;\
u'll see me on the other side
you'll see me on the other side
when i have no fight in me
no more. when the stars start
falling in our milky bowls
of honey stars cereal
will
you meet me on the other side.
where every breath exhaled
brings cotten candy
on sticks to me.
to me.
wisps and wisps of pinkish sweetness
and our memories will be tangled
in.
then devoured
then..we'll have nothing left.
nothing at all.
(you can have the cone-like sticks ((stick-like CONES???? wth. aha.))
striped with red and white
but no more sticky sweetness will be found there.)
ezekiel's in my lap
playin with his mcdonalds toy
and he's watching me type
all these crap. senseless words
so...
it's not all
that bad yeah.
and im not hurting that much anymore, if you were wondering.
Saturday, November 27, 2004, 3:21 PM
i look different.
horrible/different, nicer/different?
none of that.
more of different/different.
not drastic though
laugh at me all you want
i'av just decided i look stupid.
________________________________________________________________
nuff of that. lols
someone signed in with the nick
'i'M batHing, laLalAx'
maybe she has her computer in the bathroom.
lemme go check who she is...
bimbo, not!!!!!!!!!
IT'S A GUY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
haahaaaah.
someone at the site told me
that im improving
i believe her.
it gives me hope to believe, actually.
her pictures are darn good.
UTTER RUBBISH ---------------------- i started here.
AVERAGE ---------------------- moved to here after a week of exploring.
actually presentable. ---------------------- im here now.
presentable. ---------------------- hmms.
i like it. ---------------------- not here. yet. im gna try :))
i like this a lot.
kinda stunning.
beautiful. gorgeous.
meaningful. you made me cry.
mmmphhff. heng i didnt get tricked by calanthea. ;if not im soooo killing her.
thanks wei theng. too bad there was no you to help you then, ehh.. hahaha
Wednesday, November 24, 2004, 11:31 PM
lols.
i enjoyed.
the morning .
today.
:))
i wna be a santarina
pls pls pls.
hehhs i might just give up completely on job searching.
;\
things. keep on tagging.
and of course. smileeeeeeee. ;D
YOU MIGHT JUST BE ON.
candeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed cah-mera!!!
Tuesday, November 23, 2004, 4:24 PM
my mom's under pressure these days
and she tells me it's all our fault
how we dun care bout everything
and im tryin to help now
looking for a job to share the load
(that went un-appreciated)
and helping out more with the chores now
she says that im wasting my time
she wants me to study instead
then time to time
she's been coming to me, all heavy-hearted
and defeated
complaining bout the
stress and pressure
and i really want to help
but it seems that all that i have done
is doing the opposite instead
then..
i dknow how anymore.
it is selfish to give up trying
so i'll go on doing what i think is right
and help out.
then ignore whatever she says
afterwards.
yesterday was terrible, to the bone
ha we went looking for a job, me and valerie
met two crazy perverts
(we didnt go on to actually meeeeeting them)
we changed our minds last minute instead
the first one was like, we were supposed to go to outram park mrt station, then call to ask for directions
then when i called, he was like, 'im at the This Fashion upstairs, what are both of you wearing, can you see me?'
instant freak-out, anyone?
his voice was whaaaaaaaaay enthusiastic and hyper
or it might just be me.
we decided to go to the next one, ALSO at outram park, we walked to kreta ayer (?), then found the shop
Jian Yu Development whatever, amongst food stalls....
weird. a shophouse, the typical ones which you have to get up a creepy stairway before getting to it.
i called with valerie beside me, before going up
Actual Conversation
Me: Hello, may i know what we would be working as?? ( i was using val's handphone, since he called her handphone regardin the job just now)
Him: (in a cant-be-bothered voice) Huh. May I know who are you?
Me: Valerie. ( i was using her hp, rmbrr...)
Him: Ohhhhhh.. VAL-ERRRRR-IEEEEEE.
Me: (disgusted) yes. what will we be working as?
Him: *few seconds pass before he answers.)) erhh. saleskeepers.
ominous, not.
and then we were gone!!! towards Faber House, orchard, for another interview.
it was class, wonderful
perhaps we got too carried away with the ambience
w/o wondering
why there aint any posters (FLY TO VIENNA NOW!!)
or computers where the people will be busily typing at
zilch nada.
few comfortable stylish sofas
a single table where a woman is sitting at at the side
miniature waterfall thingey
loud beyonce music
application form signed.
'it has to be signed before i explain,' the woman said
well.
we WERE supposed to be surveyors, after making ppl do the surveys, we are supposed to invite the QUALIFIED people up to where we were then, that room, to view an exhibition. on the invitation cards will be 'invited by... *your name*'
if one qualified person invited under your names turns up
$40 bucks.
2 qualified candidates, $60 bucks EACH, with a $20 dollar bonus
3, $80 EACH, $20 bonus.
on and on..
now as we think back
it's really hard to get people going up
rich people.
so we might have to work our fingers to the bone begging and whining to the passers-by
and they might not turn up
that equates to, no pay.
work, no pay.
at somerset mrt, we used a public phone to call those two perverts
valerie didnt want to do the talking so i did
hahaha.
to the watiting-at-this-fashion guy, i said
'Hi. Im looking for a job...
SOMEWHERE ELSE!!! PEACE OUT DUDE!!!!'
the valerie slammed the phone down.... hard. and not to mention quick.
hahah then we called the Jian Yu development guy
and i screamed: 'hi. im valerrrrrieeeeeee. no one's gonna work at that ulu shop.'
hahaha val slammed it down.
tomors job hunting again.
that was a long entry.
tag pls, now that i have a tagboard.
;))))
Saturday, November 20, 2004, 12:15 PM
i took a picture of my swollen gums [[correction, still swelling]]
the one at the back.
it was sooooooooooooooo disgusting.
hahahah so disgusting that i want to post it.
anyone teach me how to photoblog.?
many things happened today
but gum's hurtin too much to say.. type.
whatever.
com was busted for quite sum tym and now it's fixed!!
i'd betta not work it too hard.
nighteh
i dun really LOVE sylvester but he IS kinda cute.
make that a bit cuter than cute.
i didnt say he rocked.
just cute. ;))
Friday, November 12, 2004, 9:17 PM
im uninspired, grouchy, fatter by the second
with teeth that hurts.
such a pig.
badminton tomors. takers?
and then. cam whore day again.
there's gotta be a white wall SOMEWHERE!!!
and a steady adjustable tripod......... ------------ NOWHERE.
that leaves me with... a lot.
1)controller
2)apple. (tis hard to do, and i dun feel up to it)
3)stripes.
done. beggars cant be choosers.
tv. here i comeee.
and i shall wait till my muse comes over to whack me across my head.
Wednesday, November 10, 2004, 10:57 PM
love hurts so bad.
why now.
why when i'av already forgotten him?
geeeesh it's untimely.
i'av already gotten over him.
so im supp to stop hurting already.
dont you understand?
sorry. i really needed to write that. i dont need anyone to comfort, console, sympathize, pity or anything.
i dont even need you to listen. i just needed to get that out of my system for a while.
i need a tagboard. this feels so unresponsive and i can even convince myself (too easily) that it's me, myself, im talking to.
taggheyboardie.
im out of inspiration and i need it fast. muse?
Sunday, November 07, 2004, 11:01 PM
you will bring me down
and you'll fall from so high
&you will join me
say you will join me
i dont know how to become
someone better. nicer.
someone i will like
someone not like me.
someone i really
want to
become.
someone who can be accepted. and not be judged with sceptical looks layered heavily with disgustfearsadnessworry. dripping, visible. like someone who has mascara smudged around the eyes.
like when some girl's crying. she remembers her mascara.
and smudges it all over with the back of her hand, now black with mascaratears,
like to tell people.
heyy. that's me. i just cried so give me some love
offer me some love, if you dont, i'll throw in a whimper or two
a few shakes of the shoulders
just to get some love from you
or just a makeup remover will do too.
of course not the latter.
of course, that would be me, minus the mascara because i dont know how to wear em.
soiled face
and soiled friendships
defaced, faceted in places unknown to all, so no one can fix it.
no one can fix em up.
but i'av been wrong and i can see where
i'av gone out of track
&these tears will go unseen, i'll hide em up somewhere you can see
and start all over again. afresh, like listerine, it burns but it kills germs
it'll hurt, but it'll help
i'll come to terms with myself [[somehow
and it'll be soon before i kick these all away
now... thanks for being there
i knew you always have been there
i didnt seek you out that's all
im sorry and im sorry for blamin you, and your lack of a presence
but you'av always been there
behind.
and i just didnt get to turn around and see you.
that will be all.
_______________________________________________
i hvn been bloggin normally...
i went to the zoo today, spent the night (last night) at ezekiel's hse.
he threw a tantrum when tryin to get the cards which my bro and me were playing
and got shouted at by my uncle and aunt
but then he quieted down real soon, so it's all GOOD
and i'av never loved my baby more (or less)
the zoo was alright.
it was a drag at first as i hate seeing all those animals
cooped up, burdened with laziness and they sit around
eyes slightly opened, view obscured by those thick eyelashes
peering out at us
knowing we wouldnt enter, and save em from whatever trance they are under
the same ol ritual of getting up for food, then posing around for us shameless people
enjoying the sight offered to our eyes.
yeahh tis the same till i got to the butterfly place
entered this huge indoor place-made-to-look-like-a-natural-habitat
and butterflies started gathering around me
it was magical [[cornified, true. TRUE. it's magical alright.
and i felt as happy as when i came to the zoo when i was 9 (?)
during then, it was like,
'why shud i care? im having fun, these butterflies are beautiful...'
and nothing occupied my mind like tryin to get them to rest on my fingertips
so wonderful. a few did. ;))
and i was soooooo pleased. i snapped pictures.
none artistic, just plain zoo pictures.
i'll have a laugh when i see em in the future, recalling what was happenin today ehh
:)))
ezekiel rocks. mwhaks.
Friday, November 05, 2004, 7:10 AM
through the endings i found our start
glittering, merely, flickering spark
when you graced me with your prescence near
delirious, slightly, is that not fear?
i'm feeling.
heart pounding. like a fist at a rock.
pattering rain of such high tides
im afraid you cannot control
our future TOGETHER, long ago foretold
excitement, bombastic down-your-back-in-a-flash thrills.
lasts no longer than the click of a mouse
the drip of a drop
the moment you step into a pair of trouuuuuuuuuuuuu-sers
no more than that my dear
no more than that i fear.