OKAY HI,YOU,DRINK THIS ALL IN.
Standing on the rooftops,
Everybody scream your heart out.
THE WRITTEN WORD
Saturday, August 26, 2006, 1:40 AM
i dont see how i could actually expect my stories to end like fairy tales,
happy endings bore me and now looking back and where i am now
...........i'm okay.i'm actually okay :D
sometimes it feels like i am in control afterall,
the flame's still a flame,not a blaze at all.
{other times,i fear how it consumes too much of me}
all of you,doooo be okay too!
i'd hate to admit it,
but this time really is crucial for the studies
after putting in some thought,
damn i don't want to end up in a hellhole school when i need not get into a hellhole school.
the desperate are denied inspiration.so i need to stop
feeling
this.desperation.almost crippling me ><
Thursday, August 24, 2006, 7:35 PM
years later,when i thought monsters lived in closets no more
no longer crouched low in darkened crooks and crannies,
the heart makes a 100 yard dash for the throat
swerving hard to the right to avoid collision with fractured ribs{
weaving between vessels holding blood.my ribs
like a door shut tight to deny you exit}this.
this is a vibe of fear.violently electric
i'm afraid when i think of you,just when i thought
i would not be anymore,
Saturday, August 19, 2006, 1:58 AM
i had a blast at the garage,
and Team Gorgeous was awesome as well :D
we love kyle ernest nan paul gretchen brooke michelle wacky jason
they were simply incredible,
it was a great experience.
i am not a Christian,but when i was there and watching them
it was just so astounding, i do still remember the feeling,that feeling.
the fact that they have been handpicked by God,if not certainly someone
wise, to move us rings clear.
that fact is so tangible,it's undeniable.
i just know it..........:D
so now i'm missing them really really bad and i wonder if they are
all fine and happy right now.
okay and i am gnna cut my hair tomorrow.not a lot though.
oh you were guessing i'd be neurotic and chop off all of my hair!
imagine a baldie{with a head as funnily shaped as mine} stalking the halls of ahs.
weird bruises are starting to appear on my foot
bruises which certainly werent originally thrr
aaaah -
time for prelims MUGGING.
i'm saying this for the final time:
im starting tonight.or rather,tomorrow
{actually ive like started.done only three chptrs of bio}
but it just doesnt feel like im MUGGING yet.
because it ISN'T,yi ting.
:[
Tuesday, August 15, 2006, 3:05 PM
dance inside-all american rejects
<3.................3
okay i'll get to studying once i pen my thoughts into
coherent.black.words.
i feel you clinging on to clouds theyre trying to let you go
the next thing i feel is -
these droplets feel like pearls on my skin,
where it's thin near my veins
falling from a distance too vast even for your imagination.each bead
crystallized by time
youre a heaven sent gift from above
i;m your gift on earth
youve spent years falling from both bright and dark skies,
now reach for me,i'm solid and your fingers
won't grasp for air any longer
i sent you my wishes,each
more real than another.rain oh won't you fall on me
we won't want umbrellas we don't need any longer oh rain oh
won't you fall on me.for me.
fall in threads
in dotted Cut Here lines,leading you to me ,from heaven.
{posting a picture in rain would be perfect now}
{but i dont have one now}
__
oh yah i heart my family and grrlfys:D and everyone who has been dear to me
during this trying Broken Toe Period
thank you.
.must!love!studying!
i can't keep track of the days
passing.dammit prelims can be tomorrow for all i know
tralahlaa hello school,it has been one week.
Monday, August 14, 2006, 12:24 PM
You took my hand
You showed me how
You promised me you'd be around
Uh huh
That's right
I took your words
And I believed
In everything
You said to me
That's right
If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong
I know better
Cause you said forever
And ever
Who knew
Remember when we were such fools
And so convinced and just too cool
Oh no
No no
I wish I could touch you again
I wish I could still call you friend
I'd give anything
When someone said count your blessings now
'fore they're long gone
I guess I just didn't know how
I was all wrong
They knew better
Still you said forever
And ever
Who knew
Yeah yeah
I'll keep you locked in my head
Until we meet again
Until we
Until we meet again
And I won't forget you my friend
What happened
If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong and
That last kiss
I'll cherish
Until we meet again
And time makes
It harder
I wish I could remember
But I keep
Your memory
You visit me in my sleep
My darling
Who knew
My darling
My darling
Who knew
My darling
I miss you
My darling
Who knew
Who knew
like a much loved scene from some foreign movie
i'll replay it again and again and again
until{and again} you get all wispy from my intent watching.
i couldn't believe,i just wouldn't{again}
a head a holder of dreams i was scared to forget,and i lost the key
on the very first day.
until you get wispy from
my intent watching,
{and again and}
Saturday, August 12, 2006, 10:03 PM
esplanade.
:D
okay.so we look SORT OF weird in some pictures here
but whtevr!.just now yz cals and i saw france's fireworks from cals hse
hahah.nothing special rlly,but we made a pact to watch
THE REAL THING nxt yr
i knoow,aftr graduation and EVRYTHNG.
:D:D
i love my grrlfys like THIS MUCH
:D:D:D
, 12:31 AM
gah it's so super late already!tmmrs got tuition somemore
eeeeep. yah the one session of chem tuition
in the loong two mths plus.........and i hvta hobble thr.
:[
they tried to save me some inconvenience though
but,cannot lurh,tmmrs hse will be too packed for em to hve tuition ovr
hehs.oh dear oh me i hope ill be cabbing down
if not gtta take the stupid mrt and risk being stared at!
lols it's not like they stare at me anyways,it's the crutches theyre
interested in.
on second thought,im just ridden with paranoia,don't mind me
ehs i was thinking of decorating my crutches tht day.
wrap the side with pretty material and evrythng
but then it seemed too much like i was gnna use it long term,
so i scrapped the idea
choi.
:|
oohkays anyway tday i went back to school,but only for oral
oh i did okay for passage i think,
but horribly for picture!
:[
i was stumbling ovr my first few sentences so much tht
the examiners raised their eyebrows at me.MAJOR BAD SIGN
i could almost hear the deduction of marks,whtevr that means.
shite it's OLVLS i'm talking about.i hve evry right to sink into depression and die
:Dokay it's goodmorning now,1221am.
my mom is giving me the evil eye now so im guessing tht i hvta go off soon
okay..to make up for like the loss of 30plus days{when i first started the countdown to prelims}
i will hvta mug suprlyduply hard tmmrs.
hah it's just not enough.but oh wells no point harping on spilled milk
if only i had so many things to say in the hall just now,but by the time
i reached the chair i was alr panting from the slight exertion{poor physique}
didnt i say to not talk about oral anymore.yes i did
taahs!:)
oh yes.
happiness knock on my door quick,or simply barge in if i take too long to answer.
i can't keep this up for long.bouts of high-ness just result in bouts of low-ness
can't take that.plus this semblance of happiness only takes place at night!like whts the use.
ohks doks.guuuuhnight world -
this feeling's like no other,
i want you to know..
.......that seashells they part the froth in the sea
scoop them up with fingers - lovingly
hear the mermaids cry about being forgotten
by the mermen they belonged to,an orchestra that welcomes your voice.
Friday, August 11, 2006, 6:41 PM
fall fall fall fall
faster
_
this post is redundant!i'm alivee
Wednesday, August 09, 2006, 12:24 AM
okay i'm just posting here cus i want the url
Tuesday, August 08, 2006, 11:59 PM
okay i was thinking that i aint in the right mood for a recount that sounds
as amuusing as the way i phrased it last night,but yeahs im blogging it down anyways
so i was at home,moving this pretty big fold table which is heavy
so i held it uh......the flat surface propped against myself
but when i was like
out of my kitchen,it just suddenly opened,and in my surprise i let go of it
and the side of it just went straight down to the ground and crushed my left big toe
poor left big toe lols so i was like
hopping to the couch and cursing like crazy
the pain was insaaane.i thought the nail'd come off cus the nail was turning black
but turned out
that it was worse cus it hit my toe spot centre,so uh
the whole toe which was just stinging purple became huuge and grey and purple
no bleeding at all,the skin was fine
so i phoned my mom and she told me to go ovr to the doctor
her friend came ovr to help me thr since i had difficulty walking
the doctor said it looked serious,so he suspected that the bone had fractured
so he referred me to changihospt's a&e
but i had no ic/ezlink see,so my mom had to go back home to take for me
my brother who was at home,tagged along
and my mom cycled me thr,twas quite near
yeahs strrrangely,of all days,she went the wrong direction
and we winded up near simei mrt station lols
yah and thr was this sudden loud noise behind us,and we stopped
to find a metal piece in my brother's bike's backtyre
lololol.so i had to wait at simei mrt with a throbbing toe for em to get it fixed
they found a bike shop thr,but it was closed.my mom told me that the carpark uncle
told her that the bike shop's owner left like SECONDS before they reached.
.............ohwell.
so my brother's bike had to be left locked thr,and he followed us by foot
ahahah.it wasnt tht far frm changihosp anyways.
just when i thought the night couldnt get any worse,
i got stopped to take my temperature at the entrance of the hospt,
the sars detection thingey.
he told me that i had a fever.and i had to wear this sars mask
so basically.a few people in the queue shot me looks of terror
when they saw the mask.LOL like i was
contaminated by sars alreaady.
rlly!the looks they give,it's as if they'd take off the minute the sars mask comes off
yeah the x-ray guy was amuuusing.:D
when he took me into the room,
he: what did thaat to your toe?
me: oh.haa..ha. i dropped a table onto it.
he: ...a table you say?
me: {clears throat politely and lies onto the flat thingey}
okay so i went out to wait lah.lols i was pushed arnd in a wheelchair!
the results came out and he came out with it
{in a grave tone}he: yes,miss. there is sthg in there.
me: huh?.....what is it?
he: {he pauses for a few seconds}}........a broken bone.
hahahah okay.but he is a very nice dude:D
then he told me about how he had broken two toes before
and i'm supposed to go for surgery but they dont offer it in a&e
just bandage it up and wait for it to heal.
yeah it was quite tiring going about from station to station,room to room in the hospital.
basically that was my night!.and i hve a pair of crutches now
lols gtta be using tht in school too!AYES.
ah im hvg difficulties with it..it makes me walk rlly slowly.
okays yes!
tht was last night.this morning,was the 2.4 run i didnt take.lols now looking back,
it's as if god knew i was dreading the 2.4 a lot.HAHAAH but i dont want a broken toe,
i'd rathrrrr run.
pfft.
anyways yeah my girlfieeeeees and hj came to visit me!.
and all my girlfies were soo sweet cals was like so worried last night
{aawwww}ahahah
if i dont look like your visits helped,it did!
helped truckloaads!i love you girls TONS.
and yeahs..i fell aslp and they had to leave bfor i woke up
yeahs..STUPIDLY.....................,
i woke up to a dark and empty room and
_1__) i started feeling scared and
_2__).......lonely. fahlahlaaah LOLssssss
_3__) and stupid for feeling scared and lonely
and for the first time,i actually felt like i hate hvg this injury..
after falling when i was rushing to answer the phone.i used my injured foot to break the fall
.like some shitclumsyIDIOT.
i mean,the injury's bad luck and all
but it sucks laah.
probably the 'novelty' of this chain of experiences{which i hvnt experienced before} wore off.
and i rlly can't imagine walking,no,HOBBLING about for the next one month.
mrt.buses.and i cant watch fireworks!................aah.
:[
so very inconvenient.it's gnna take at least a month to heal.before prelims i hope..
ive gtta take o'levels english orals with crutches.
my toe hurts and i
i think im just being moody.hahah.
but thank you AALL who hve expressed concern okays:D.
rlly,thanks it really helps hvg you people caring for mehhhs
esp my grrrlfys wrrrrlfys:D
<3.XOXO
Friday, August 04, 2006, 11:08 PM
i really like this photograph.scrummy apple greens
it has words to go along with it,
like every other piece of mine.
and time after time i still think about
the surprised shine in your eyes,your lips
parting - and meeting again - to form a soft 'oh'
i mean,flowers wilt with petals falling off
and we keep them in between the pages
of our favourite books so we'd remember the paragraphs
where they said the things they said
when they realized,oh so this is love.
this may not be Love like that of endless ignited passion
or sweet love-letters-passing,but instead,
the sort of love we could lose ourselves in,{but.never.each.other}
the sort which we remind ourselves of everyday,wearing the very memory thin
there are so many faults to be found with us,
yet i want to watch you slip into a sleepy murmur again and again
breath still trapped somewhere in our necks
when i look into your eyes i find it hard to exhale.
but your silhouette
{i dread the whispering of would,were,had,could
our silhouettes are all i see now
, 10:59 PM
basically i spent the whole night
in front of the computer.and the picture is gnna be the last
till..i post again.it's not gnna be that soon.
{i hope you liked it anyways}
my usb port died on me!now it can't detect
any cables.whtevr it's okay losing my only source of music
{busted soundcard}it's okay not being able to upload pictures!
if it has an ass it'd be all kicked and bruised by me by now.
bares teeth
.okay people
it has been a pretty uneventful day
so i'd end it quick by sleeping earlier than three am tday.
oh and i sense this craving of acceptance looming
in the air.it is getting.almost tangible
UGH.hard to take.i'd ignore ignore ignoree and pretend that
people who seek acceptance wildly are not freaking the hell out of me.
and 2.4 is coming up,like AT YOUR FACE.
sheeeeeesh this is terrible!
that day...i can so see myself running like a girl who hasn't been running much.
i am.well
but i'll so totally be like that.
hohohs i can haardly understand the things i'm saying now.
i mean it's not like i'm still caring tons about it.
but it's funny how,
when i write i write with..it in my head
OH YES AND MR GOH CANNOT MAKE IT FOR TUITION AGN.
booooos lols i hvnt seen him in like AGES.chem slaaacking
, 2:27 PM
i like the picture a lot.
so much that even as i blog now,imma set the time
to be before the time when i posted so picture,
so the picture can stay on first post.
..uh.right. go yiting!.:D
it's twoplus,august fifth.and i spent no time on prelims revision yet
and i'm not the sort who will like bluff people just to
give people a false sense of security.
i AM in deep shit
so whenevr you study,think of me and how i'm way behind you
maybe that will give you a boooost.you know what,
why care about how much im/others're studying lah,
just study your fill peeeeople!.
gogogo
lols but i keep asking others where theyre at
cus im worried that im rlly behind.and sometimes
it makes me feel like,heello who am i kidding.even if i start now
i'll be whaay behind those who started from like months ago.
ohks doks you know wht,this worrying is pointless.
i'll start.today.
like
rlly
TDAY:D
do some people like mug like hell,then go all
'well,i didnt touch my book at all,
man,it's studying youre talking about.',then when
these people get home,they surgically attach themselves to their books.
hehs welded together as ONE.
yeah yeah i seriously can feel,from the bottom of my heart,
this desire to gush 'oh bow wow you are SO SMART okay.' to them so
all these pains theyve taken are worth it.:D
gee some people are just awful.
lols maybe i'm just envious,who cares what their 'tude is,
at least THESE PEOPLE are mugging,
off to flip books at cal's!:D
words are eager to tumble off my tongue,one after another
yet i'm stopping them,i'm stopping,
for when i write....oh.
thoughts about you are corrosive
so they've been swallowed,down somewhere in my
neck,these jumbled letters
mingling with the breath i find hard to exhale.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006, 8:13 PM
WAKE THE . . . . UP MISSY.really,now stay awake,quit slipping
quit hiding your fricking face,hold on tight,
it's gonna be a rough ride for youve gtta
let go of that,hold on to this
'i can't,i just can't,'
these thoughts'd hve to go
youre stronger than this.
i'm stronger than this.
well happy august to all,
i'm tired
of THIS,
of hvg to feel like someone whom no one can be LESS THAN
no one can be more worthless..
less worthy of love.
i may not be precious,but definitely more precious than worthless
one day i'll be above you
and i'll be laughing so happily
at how i've recovered from
the mess you created for me,
the mess you created out of me,
you'd be sorry you lost me for good right at the start.
,youll be more alone than me,
although i wish you not to be.alone.
why dont you
just step out.lets step out of
our individual hells.mine you built for me lovingly,
yours fucking formed by your own disbeliefs and pains,brick by
brick you find yourself trapped and unwilling.
i'm so so sick of this..i can't wait
to recover.i'll be waiting till you recover as well
baaby this is everything but play,this buildup kills.
happy august to all.