OKAY HI,YOU,DRINK THIS ALL IN.
Standing on the rooftops,
Everybody scream your heart out.
THE WRITTEN WORD
Thursday, September 23, 2004, 9:12 PM
rarrwgh.
i'av got a personal work.
which im desperate to show someone.
but the shit is,
i cant.
it's too personal to show anyone right now.
bottomline?
i need someone so close, he or she, can see it in a different light.
rawrr.
what am i doing here, ONLINE, anyway.
i put my heart on the ___________line_
the line to the <>
the line __lined_ with glass ,.
another wound where the glass cu\t t-hrou-gh.
online. on the line. HAHAHA. no pun intended.
*coughs* wonderful *lungs go out of alignment* how i spew rubbish outfrom air.
i cooked dinner.
mom n bro thot it was fab. *sniggers
i mopped the floor.
i did one chapter plus of maths.
i nearly cried watching an mtv.
i feel human again.
it's nice to be a good girl.
i just lost the feeling for a while.
never will i want to give it back.
Saturday, September 18, 2004, 5:33 PM
i tried to sleep. i cantttt. argh.
many tossing and turning involved.
i was thinking
again
is there any possibility that we could get together
again
but then instead of shrugging the thought off
like in the past
i kept thinking of all the 'what if's.
i kept thinking and thinking.
something changed.
i dun want those 'what if's anymore.
as i'av told myself countless times, those 'what if's
remain as 'what IF's
they are
wrongs which are impossible to make rights
and .....................................................................................................
rights which are impossible to make wrongs. >>heyy. I MAKE SENSE!!!!!! hhahahaha. i love coming up with new stuff.
and i dont MIND thinking bout em,
but i just dont wish for them to happen anymore.
i know it's weird, i feel weird, but it's true, im true.
i dun want those what-if-i-could-have-a-happy-ending anymore.
so....
i guess this means i'av moved on.
and i want to hug him and tell him
im finally half-alright.
(lols i really do feel like telling him, of all people...)
why? of all people.
btw. this whole i-might-be-moving-on-already-thing can be the post exams syndrome.......? i hope the feeling lasts though.
i feel free. free is good. good is free. wot nonsense.
hahaha. this stress is getting to me. i better give my conscience a rest and start studying now.
Friday, September 17, 2004, 11:25 AM
darnerrs.
calanthea got this outing to look forward to.
mmhms.
jealousss.
hahaha,
i go hm liaoos.
bye.
this is retarded.
dun ask me why im here
well. whatever. even if you do,
the ans is
because im not gone yet.
will be gone soon.... though.
LOLS that has some meaning in it...... go figure.
mmhms.
:)
ta.
Tuesday, September 14, 2004, 8:53 PM
can someone not say a word and read on..........? w/o making comments whatsoever? can someone leave when he/she would like to? yes you can.
can someone stop me, from running away, can someone break free from the grip im under
can someone tell the time when it's over, so emerging from my hideaway
will be okay.
can someone stop the tears so much, that they ceased to be one day
can someone bottle up to burst. can someone listen, really get this 'angsty' shit im saying. gee, stop labelling ALREADY. can someone stop trying, maybe everyone will follow suit..
can someone write a poem that sounds too typical, i can... can someone tie my black scrunchie 3rounds arnd her hair? i cant. can someone throw a sweet wrapper, w/o whispering her goodbyes first..?
can someone be really there, instead of just standing beside me and 'be there'.
can someone be there, and not leave forever. i dont know why i get this temptation to leave, when i know you are going to.. can someone die, and still feel, this bout of emotions and much more. can someone stand not dying, and give up on life. i want to live, i know i want to. can someone feel both things at the same time. i wouldnt want to.
can someone bask in saturated complexity, and still think 'i AM simple.' can someone tell me why you want to listen to me, and why you want to help. can someone say something else besides 'you are my fren, i care and i love you' when i ask that? i dont get that sentence anymore. can someone prove that he is true, can someone BE SOMEONE? instead of rummaging through the drawers of yester-time....................
can someone eat butter and chilli together, i dont see what's so bad.. can someone feel the colours of pain? can you even see them, they just appear so starkly clear to me. can someone look at me and hug me and cry.
can someone just scream 'I KNOW YOUR SMILE ISNT REAL, SO WIPE IT OFF YOUR FACE AND just stop pretending??!' at me when i try to give them what they want. can someone not degrade me, even when they know im so far behind... can someone give me more time to catch up, and take away time to further yourselves to faraway....
can someone be truthful and tell me that true happiness exists for EVERYONE, this is just a phase im going through. im sooo dying to believe, you just need to tell me, and tell me the truth... and then someone must SHOW me how it's the truth... i dont know how.. la. can someone dry my eyes, then make me weep inside?
can someone please love..............................................................................
idknowhowidknowhowidknowhowidknowhowidknowHOWW.... how
how...
me?
can someone switch off the computer, w/o having switching it on at first?
can someone explain why they want to reduce the multi colours into a dull black screen?
because. they had enough?? that's not reasonable. why duncha think for the COM. arrr?
can someone.............................................................................................................
stop thinking?
can someone stop me...
from thinking.
these thoughts.
be sentient.
Sunday, September 12, 2004, 6:14 AM
oooh. what the lala.
lols.
i hate skl and holidays.
arghh.
[[edit]]
i hate sian holidays.
when i have no outing to look forward to
whatsoever
when i dun accomplish anything
mmhms.
like the sep hols.
i loved the junes...
and maybe i'll love the decembers like siaoo*ers than siaos.
maybe.
____winkheys. i wonder why.
but thats after 2a's split. i might hate the decembers.
ahh well.
;\
Friday, September 10, 2004, 10:04 PM
fwalala.
i wna watch cinderella story tomorsssss.
i'av decided to be a good girl
and exclude any gory details bout dance today.
:))))
and those plenty of my life.
gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
i wnaaaaaaaaaa
be freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
la. im so pointless... la.
- finish half of holiday hw.
- take pictures... please.
- try not be a devvie for at least one day. you can ... tryyy.
- wait for inspiration to strike on the head
- knock down dead when it does
- mmhms....................................................... movie if possible.
Thursday, September 09, 2004, 7:28 PM
i know you are
having fun now?
it sucks that
i couldnt be there to watch your happy smiles
lols then again, i might be tempted to lunge at you.
it feels almost alright now
to be so in love with you
yet im sure it isnt right to be
to be.. so unloved in return.
yikes, it hurts a lot.. la.
it feels so crazily unreal
mmhms.
i .. love... no. like? no. love. love la. you sooooo much,
it couldnt be true.
it is it is it is
where else can my feelings go
i'd rather they go to waste in your heart (i hope it even reaches there)
rather than anyone's elses
it's crazy
i dont care if im all dislocated
smashed.
thwak.ed.
it helps to know..
i was broken
by
you.
it's youuuu. you. ya. the opposite of me= you? him. ;ahh, bliss.
lose myself in lines
dissecting
unrequited love. ;]
look. im being optimistic here.
it's a rare sight.
record the date today.
so dun come hunting me down in msn
asking me if i need a ride home
from woodbridge.
since when was i thaaaaat wonky. ehh.
i wanna myself to keep feeling this waayyy.
1) same hurt felt = she can jump off the building anytime
2) same hurt felt = heyyyy she's hurt by YOU. not anyone else, youu. a.... great thing.
HAHAHAHAH IM CRAZYYYY.
wonder wat time ur going home......
what time....
mmhms.?
wonder if i can ... 'knock' into you if i start patrolling tampines mrt station now.
till... 10plus.
HAHAHAHAH.
*yi ting smacks herself silly.
Wednesday, September 08, 2004, 9:42 PM
the following is this super long quiz i extracted frm chu's blog......................
which i know you wudnt enjoy.
hahaha. i think those who are interested in reading the answers that ppl give to quizzes
are stalker-material.
MEEEE.
i enjoy reading ppl's answers.
diaooed.
I LEARNT SUMTHNG NEW TODAY.
HIGHER ISO INCREASES SHUTTER SPEED,
WHICH WILL LESSEN BLURS WHEN YOU HAVE SHAKY HANDS LIKE ME
WHEN YOU DUN HAVE TRIPODS
WHATSOEVER
AND YOU'LL GET BETTER EXPOSURE AS WELL
WHEN THE APERTURE IS TO THE LIMIT
YOU CAN INCREASE THE APERTURE
YAYYYY I HOPE IT'LL HELP IN MY PICTURES.
:) ;) ;P :P :J
im crazy. if photography is a subject, i think i'll score. lols i digest the information soooo hungrily.
pig.
[wishing]: that all my wishes can come true. mmhms greeeedehh.
[after this]: after this.... what? after this i might post this on my blog
[talking to]: no one.
[some favorite movies]: i don't really watch a lot, but so far, almost all
[something you're looking forward to]: arghhh. the days i'av looked forward to are overr. sucks.
[last thing you ate]: lunch.
[something you're afraid of]: im afraid of my fears. all attempts at wit aside, im afraid of loneliness, but truely, all my other fears as well.
[some favorite foods]: i like........ almost everything. but the first thing that came to my mind was cotton candy. it's been sooooo long since i'av eaten cotton candy.
[miss someone you haven't seen in a long time]: oooooh, yeah. yes. YESSSS.
[cried]: it's been quite some time since i'av cried.
[bought something]: uhms. batteries for my camera ystrday. ooh, at the rate im going--------------- costly.
[sang]: yes, i just crooned along to blue's breathe easy on tv just now.
[eaten]: been eaten or have i eaten? uhh. no, no one has taken bites out of me yet, and yes, i'av eaten lunch.
[been kissed]: erhms. no one outside my family. it's been long since they even did, anyway.
[felt stupid]: alllllll the time.
[wanted to tell someone you love him, but you didn't]: i told him once, but i want to tell him that again, i want to tell him that all the time, yet i dont. so, yes.
[talked to an ex]: no ex-es, no present, no future. HA.
[had a serious talk]: i want one now.
[missed someone]: OHHHH WHAT A QUESTION TO ASK. okkayyyyyyy, yes.
[hugged someone]: have i hugged someone before, when was the last time i hugged someone? PHRASE IT PROPERLY LAAA.
[argued with a parent(s)]: oh yes, i did before. it felt horrible.
[dreamt about someone you can't be with]: lols, recently, yes.
::Do you::
[like candles]: YES i do. but i only get to play durin lantern's festival. ;\ flicker flicker, burn out.
[like company]: mmhms yeah.
[believe in love at first sight]: yes i do. whahahahaha i sound like dis romance freak, but yes i do i do.
[believe in forgiveness]: i do, but whetha i do the same for everyone, im not sure.
::personal::
[who is your role model]: it used to be my cousin, but then again........... my mom? rather, no one. since there's no point having one when i dun follow the person.
[ever liked someone you can't be with]: ohh. so far every guy i have liked, are the ppl i cant be with. *shrugs
[ever wanted to get revenge on someone cause they hurt you]: definitely... a few times. but those were the extreme cases.
[cried over the opposite sex]: turned into an everyday thing already, if i can even cry now, i would.
[your favorite physical appearance]: my own or sumeone else's? natural.
[are you happy with yourself]: no im not... sometimes i am, but now i am notttttt.
[what plans do you have for the future]: i want to do sumthng i love doing. im not sure what yet.
+Basics +
Are you emotional :: incredibly, absurdly.
Do songs make you cry? :: haha, this is so absurd, are you out to tarnish my already-tarnished rep or sumthng. YES.
What about movies :: yessssss. visual stuff are even worse, i think.
What emotion do you usually feel :: rojak. yaa. mixed together, you cant really tell from one to another.
+ Sadness +
What does it take to make you cry your heart out :: well, if im already crying, and stopping, comforting me will just....... result in the over-exploiting of my tearglands. but usually i feel better afterwards.
(watching him live his own life without a care usually does the trick as well)
Where do you cry :: anywhere. i dont usually put 'crying' on my schedule.
Do you hate crying :: i used to, now i want to, and i cant. arghh. so i love crying now.
Do you like it when others cry :: no.
Do you think tears make eyes look pretty :: urhhh? swollen red-rimmed eyes equates to pretty? maybe. but not mine.
How else do you express sadness :: i write. i draw. i take pictures.
+ Anger +
What does it take to make you mad :: ha. almost everything nowadays.
What do you do when you're angry :: i hyperventilate. jk. i just piss myself off further.
How short is your temper :: to the shortest limit. ;
How long does it take you to calm down:: quite a short while, depends.
What's the worst thing you've done when you were mad :: i hurl abusive language and i throw tables, when i literally can feel myself turning... warm. and then i shout. loud, fast, so that they cant rebutt. HAHAHAH. evil.
What's the worst thing someone's done to make you mad :: mmmhms. they abuse the trust i have for them.
+ Joy +
How often are you happy :: 30% over 200%. haha.
What do you do when you're happy :: i'll smile unconsciously. dweeb. HAHAH. i'll go high and it'll start pissing ppl off, and then they piss me off, then say hi to anger.
How optimistic are you :: .... oooh. 0.
Do happy people make you mad :: nopes, unless im like. screaming my head off with frustration and then they skip over and plaster themselves all over me, AND offer to do my hair, YESS.
Ever been so happy you were dying to tell everyone :: when im happy, usually everyone will know. maybe.. it's like... a rare thing. mmms.
Ever been so happy n you cried :: nope. i'll want to try. haha.
Do you smile a lot :: yes, even when i dun feel like laughing. hypocrite. but nowadays it gets more obvious. fake smiles are not nice to receive.
Miss people a lot:: erhms. ya.
Who really makes you happy :: some people. (and i love it when ppl make me happy unconsciously.)
Do you like doing things for people when you're happy :: yeahh.
+ Fear +
What do you do when you're scared :: i'll start blabbering nonsense to myself and scare myself with stuff like shadows, imaginary stuff.
What scares you :: my fears.
Do you like scaring people :: haha, sumtyms.
Do you like the thrill of being frightened :: erhhhh.? no... not exactly.
Does fear accompany anger in your case :: sumthng like that. ur good. ahah.
Ever been so scared til you couldn't breathe :: yes..
How often do you panic :: most of the time. when i panic, it's not obvious but usually my mom can tell. 0.o
What do you do to calm your nerves :: i cant do anythng!!!
+ What do you do +
When the emotion sucks :: make it suckier.
When the emotion rocks :: will make it suck, unconsciously la...
When there's no emotion :: suck. suck. suckkk.
+ Would you rather +
Never feel again :: NO.
Feel loneliness or anger for the rest of your life :: nooo.
Be happy forever and never experience bad times :: mms. no.
Cause misery :: it's a cause misery, or get miser-ized thing RIGHTT. no.
Feel misery :: nopeee.
Be alone :: nopesireee.
Be with everyone you know :: ya.
+ Who +
Cheers you up more than anyone else:: mmmhms. depends on the situation (i love it when ppl cheer me up w/o knowing that they'av just made my day)
Angers you more than anyone else :: my brother. him. her.
Scares you more than anyone else:: my thoughts.
Makes you think about your emotions more than anyone else:: hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. hiiiiiiimmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Monday, September 06, 2004, 11:03 PM
from me to you, my heart.
it wouldnt be too much a use once it starts to fall apart.
submitted a picture today...
so far... it's the best one??
LOLS.
there's no me in it.
THAT counts for a lot.
i'll be in msn if u wna take a peek at it.
no part of yi ting can be seen inside, i promise.
:)
mmhms. my com has been on frm 9, this morning (dearest brother)
till NOW.
and i dun feel like going off yet.
13FRIGGIN HOURS.
MY COM'S GNA BLOWWWWW.
i hope it's gna work tomors. :)
i dun wna be bored to hell.
unless anyone will watch cinderella story with me?
*pleading eyes.
HEHHS.
cinderella. the mice called her cinderellyyyy. oh wells. that's disney.
:))
i'av devoured papayas, apples, pears and oranges today.
so u'll know why if i start resembling fruits the next time you see me.
love,
things.
, 3:20 PM
I'd get led away from you
even in my dreams
despite the tears flowing in steady streams
'Does he still love me?'
im inclined to ask
'Has he ever loved me?'
to gain release from the past.
how could i have not
kept those screams inside
stop yearning for the love
i got, but denied.
too tired to cry it out
all over again
calming shushes lead to more change
no way out to this danger game
your enthralling beauty entices
i need more than powerful devices
to bond myself to the dark
to tie me to the edge of sanity
to witness
the past.
the splendid composition
and contrast.
of old pictures and new.
i replied that to someone's livejournal entry. haha. diaooed.
mmhms. update later.
doing brother's project now.
he and his friends,
sitting behind playing their WWE decks, while i sit here
doing THEIR project.
i volunteered for the first time just now.
and they made me do everything after that!!!
lols. mmmhms
it's a samaritan thing. :)