!HELLO SAAAAY.

THE WRITTEN WORD

Monday, July 26, 2004, 9:36 PM

harlows.
lols. i feel so angry. and insulted.

i hate her. i hate her. i din use to. i hate myself. i hate myself. i hate how she gets away with everything. every single thing. why shud i be burdened by the sins she has committed? if there's a God, is this something you have planned for me? then suggest to me that.. there is actually a way out of feeling like this. i know there is.. i hafta be strong, kinda like wot my agony uncle told me to.... *sniggers. lols thanx jing hui. wieeels. all comes down to myself. trust mysef to not know how to handle a fucking situation like this. and resort to beggin ppl to listen to me pour out my frustrations. i need them to tell me what to do, but they listen.. they just listen. they don't save me. they don't need to.. but... can they? no they cant. of cosh not. but what happens after i realize that i need help? who do i seek for? christians will tell me God. i feel desperate, like i can just.. ask Him. but too bad for me, i don't know God like how most people do. i cannot ask God. i cannot, so forgive me. whoever you are.

i realize the 'mask' that's stuck to my face .. permanently..? gets thicker and thicker everytime i prevent my tears frm falling. it nv used to be like that. cry. just cry. now it's ... don't cry. don't cry. hide it inside.
i can literally feel a layer of sumthng coverin me up, like a christmas present.. all wrapped up and ready. but left on the shelf in a deserted corner... no one came to collect it. layers of dust settles over the present as time passes by, of course. the toy wants to be let out. and played with by a kid who wants it on christmas. the toy doesnt want to be wrapped in the gleaming, shiny, pretty wrappin paper anymore. the silky satin pink ribbon which adorns the wrappin of the present are just binds.
binds.
binds.

harh. calanthea made me cry. in a good way la. i just cried for 10seconds. kinda.. whimpered. then. no more than 5tears. plop. plopp. ploppp. she floods the pretty box with tears. for just a moment. then things return to its neutral and plain white state again.