!HELLO SAAAAY.

THE WRITTEN WORD

Monday, July 26, 2004, 10:39 PM

she sucks. she aches over the painful.

living here all alone, that's what she knows.

please do not stare at her with those wide oh-mar-gosh-i-don't-believe-you-yuck-!! eyes. she doesnt appreciate it. she finds it irritating, and she'll act totally defensive. strugglin to prove that she's not all nonsense.

to no avail. do you know she suffers under the labels you have slapped onto her?
she has to struggle so hard to peel the label off.
to no avail.

why. due to some entertainment value, she played the fool. and when she decides that she is the fool no more, they decide she's just pms-ing. or rather. neurotic. depressed.
making sure the label is in place.

since when did they get to make all the decisions? Labelling is something i din take much notice off.. i din know it'll actually happen on me. sounds so cliche, but this isnt the my prince found me shit. oh i cant believe it's happening to me.. quo n unquo by kelly clarkson. moment like this.

i am depressed. blame it on me, or the things that are happening on me. blame yourself, blame the hurtful things you say. blame your lack of care, blame everything. blame your low expectations of me. blame your sharp critisim which does nothing good, and blame yourself. for it is you that made me the me of today. don't say you expect this of me, and slap me with another label again.

somehow... using 'she' instead of 'I'....................................
seems to make things less real for myself. like i am lookin at someone else's screwed up life.

i hvn done dnt. english expository. revision for chinese. revision for literature.
i hvn finished my mission of snappin good pictures yet. i barely started. i hvn understood y ppl shoot me down, saying it's impossible. i know your life rocks. please just don't make me feel inadequate. if i dont, already.
i hvn found out why i am, sitting here, and bloggin all these stuff that no one will read, when i can hide in my bed, somewhere safe and snug under the protective blankets. where no one will see me, where no one will wonder why i am not crying, like how i should be.

i cant cry anymore. it's like. everything's has become dull. and im black and white. no grey areas. i guess i'av erased them all away.

goodnight, tiresome heart.