!HELLO SAAAAY.

THE WRITTEN WORD

Sunday, November 07, 2004, 11:01 PM

you will bring me down
and you'll fall from so high
&you will join me
say you will join me

i dont know how to become
someone better. nicer.
someone i will like
someone not like me.
someone i really
want to
become.
someone who can be accepted. and not be judged with sceptical looks layered heavily with disgustfearsadnessworry. dripping, visible. like someone who has mascara smudged around the eyes.
like when some girl's crying. she remembers her mascara.
and smudges it all over with the back of her hand, now black with mascaratears,
like to tell people.
heyy. that's me. i just cried so give me some love
offer me some love, if you dont, i'll throw in a whimper or two
a few shakes of the shoulders
just to get some love from you

or just a makeup remover will do too.
of course not the latter.

of course, that would be me, minus the mascara because i dont know how to wear em.

soiled face
and soiled friendships
defaced, faceted in places unknown to all, so no one can fix it.
no one can fix em up.

but i'av been wrong and i can see where
i'av gone out of track
&these tears will go unseen, i'll hide em up somewhere you can see
and start all over again. afresh, like listerine, it burns but it kills germs
it'll hurt, but it'll help
i'll come to terms with myself [[somehow
and it'll be soon before i kick these all away

now... thanks for being there
i knew you always have been there
i didnt seek you out that's all
im sorry and im sorry for blamin you, and your lack of a presence
but you'av always been there
behind.
and i just didnt get to turn around and see you.

that will be all.

_______________________________________________
i hvn been bloggin normally...
i went to the zoo today, spent the night (last night) at ezekiel's hse.
he threw a tantrum when tryin to get the cards which my bro and me were playing
and got shouted at by my uncle and aunt
but then he quieted down real soon, so it's all GOOD
and i'av never loved my baby more (or less)

the zoo was alright.
it was a drag at first as i hate seeing all those animals
cooped up, burdened with laziness and they sit around
eyes slightly opened, view obscured by those thick eyelashes
peering out at us
knowing we wouldnt enter, and save em from whatever trance they are under
the same ol ritual of getting up for food, then posing around for us shameless people
enjoying the sight offered to our eyes.

yeahh tis the same till i got to the butterfly place
entered this huge indoor place-made-to-look-like-a-natural-habitat
and butterflies started gathering around me
it was magical [[cornified, true. TRUE. it's magical alright.
and i felt as happy as when i came to the zoo when i was 9 (?)
during then, it was like,
'why shud i care? im having fun, these butterflies are beautiful...'
and nothing occupied my mind like tryin to get them to rest on my fingertips
so wonderful. a few did. ;))
and i was soooooo pleased. i snapped pictures.
none artistic, just plain zoo pictures.
i'll have a laugh when i see em in the future, recalling what was happenin today ehh
:)))

ezekiel rocks. mwhaks.