!HELLO SAAAAY.

THE WRITTEN WORD

Sunday, January 16, 2005, 8:03 PM

alamak...
honestly?
i want to publisize this
it's tiring wanting to care about how people will think about you if you do this, or maybe.. that
{not that i'll stop caring, i find that impossible for anyone to do, at least just for now}

im at a loss. i dknow who i have anymore, besides my family
everyone seemed to have moved on
even wt, who felt that it was so hard
it's so shameful to be close to tears about such a thing
important matter? meagre issue? i dknow.
in fact i dknow anything i dun even know how to do my stupid zhuo wen, just left it on my table, uncompleted

what happened to my goals i wanted to accomplish, desires waiting to be fulfilled
because of me and my incompetence,
they will have to wait

instead of making full use of my time, im doing stupid things like this..
'blogging', I SAY IT WITH ALL DISTASTE
but i dknow where else to go

everyone moved on
it's hard not to feel lost when everyone just moves on without you
as one giant herd, then splitting up into various groups
im not complaining, that's how i feel and i cant choose WHAT to feel so shut it
&then..
everyone will have a hard time leaving the past
then in the end
they'll still manage it,
i dont know how to feel about that
im jealous, that they are leading different [better? worse? does it mean anything?] lives now

im helpless, i dont know what to do
no one seems to really care anymore, they claim that they do, but i know they dont care as much as how they did in the past
they say they do. they all say they do.
sounds like what will come out of an ungrateful, hard-to-satisfy bitch's mouth

but while pausing and thinking,
what if it's the truth? there must be much more important things for them to be concerned bout rather than ME, i mean,
who am i to them.
a friend. someone they can still live w/o so who am i to speak so much?
i dont really throw my tantrums in skl, it's turning out as a lousy move, it's making me feel worse instead

sometimes they ask you to tell it to someone.
just spill every damn word that makes you feel all bad to SOMEONE
anyone
it takes a long time to try
then when you finally open that damn mouth of yours
no one's arnd to listen
just thin air.
and it gets harder to breathe.