!HELLO SAAAAY.

THE WRITTEN WORD

Saturday, October 29, 2005, 6:47 PM

i didn't like the ending i wrote
so i rewrote it,
into something..more of my..style. hehs.
happy ending?what happy ending.
the top part of this can still be found in the book,
but the following-edited.

...............................the water felt warm & familiar around her.
Lia's fair tresses fanned out into a halo above her
head. She had her eyes tightly shut, feeling air escaping her
in tiny bubbles gently. As everything began to grow dark,
&the rhythmic lapping of
the water lulled her into unconsciousness..
"My sister is the best swimmer in the world."
She blinked, her eyes momentarily stung by the chlorinated waters.
Squinting to see past the hazy & dark waters, could it be.. no it cannot be.
Facing her was a figure almost like Ernest himself, suspended in the water below her.
Tears gathered in her eyes, were they tears or were they water?
it made no difference, they blurred her vision all the same.
Under the intensity of Ernest's unblinking gaze, Lia could hardly
think straight.Six months, the span of six months changed her brother
from an angel
who used to be like happiness reincarnated, to a boy with
loneliness etched plain on his face.
'If this is a dream,'
Lia thought, realization dawning upon her 'then this would be the last dream
I'll ever have.' Her fingers closed around Ernest's grey, cold hand in
a soothing grip, &his facial features softened, the hold of
his sister's hand painting the ghost of a smile on his pale lips.

here it is,
Ernest's loneliness, Lia's pain & guilt,
her life,
this story
coming to their faltering ends as she allowed him
to lead her gently,
further
&further away from the surface.

-

here it is. personally i love this one more
thought of most of these when i was bathing lmao
cus having dreams as a theme,
this one ends as a 'dream' too,
right before her death. more apt.
how bout yall, the original one,
or this?

ENOUGH PROCRASTINATING
mugging for express chinese will start now.