!HELLO SAAAAY.

THE WRITTEN WORD

Thursday, November 03, 2005, 8:57 PM

heyho!ive learnt a new word today
dilettante.
doesnt it just look so pretty.
lols dont ask me why or how but the
word just sparked sth
'is she very sad very in pain or something gosh is she DEPRESSED'
no, no &no. nothing of the sort
either you read ¬ judge me based on
a few lines ive typed, or dont read at all (i think im thinking too much)
I LOVE THE WORLD TODAY(except for dentists, &well, some particular dance teachers)

my dilettantish efforts at
capturing something as sheer as you
in a fourwalled box
pigmented black to prevent the internal reflection of light(the many
mysteries of the, choroid layer)
your beautiful beautiful blue eyes
never knew a part of them were black inside
such fools should not exist?
but they do, both eyes,
two hollowed holes wouldn't look quite right on your
beautiful beautiful face.

but i am a fool, mad lover of art
through squinted vision, i see you &oh, you are
as beautiful as how i remembered you to be
in my memories i remember you, the way
your smile ignites your foolish eyes, your
awkward fumbling
fingers ¬hing else, that skin.
why would i remember anything but you?
how i imagined you to be less,

;the many yesterdays we shared
;the number of tomorrows decreasing in number i will savour slowly with a
raspy whisper.what happened to the
future you. urhhm. never actually gotten to promise me-
enough of your transgressions, my love
enough of my love, you are born a transgression
yourself you might see many repeated words, for
these words i cannot seem to forget "wait,
wait for me
for i'll be back, please wait for me"
the plea in my voice
echoed in increasing tenacity in your arms,
i truly believed you will. (i mean, wait for me)

(the following paragraph will take quite an amount of visualization,
&no, these bracketed words are not part of the writing)

many days and nights ive scoured the streets
weary, drained, and
well, desperate to see you a second time
my neighbour's twelve year old fell to his knees
&cried for me when he saw my face
,bleeding wet with tears.
i then, sat down beside him
we tripped many people with our outstretched legs
,people who walk by
pretending to not see the two figures' shoulders
heaving with sobs
i told him bout how i used to
trace the laughlines on your face, 'like this', stroking his
dirtstreaked knees with a finger so that he'd
understand my hurt better
i admitted, sheepishly, to the twelveyearold that
touching your face never failed to make me smile
&i never stopped loving you,
despite the many things i said.
the twelveyearold, nameless like many people i know, (credit goes to my
incredibly picky memory)
cried some more, took his shirt off &showed me
a long thin crack, so very slight but still visible: the first to
run through his otherwise, immaculate heart
my words,
my words they broke his heart

words, they are merely words
but still i am,
in search of my love ;for he is waiting for me
they are merely words, &you are not waiting
because you didnt hear me(?)
due to me not having a loud enough voice
my plea went unheard your ears are full of her
voice that high sweet melody which she sings
which I hear whenever I hold your head near mine
her words,
they stream out of your ears
into a slow, seductive siren's croon
it's my fault, always has been, never yours
due to the fact that she's more petite
prettier
sweeter than me
due to.?

i dont know what, soon i'll leave you
&forget that ive ever cared.
now brace yourself
i dont know what, i'll leave you soon anyway
&forget that ive ever cared.