!HELLO SAAAAY.

THE WRITTEN WORD

Tuesday, November 29, 2005, 3:04 AM

tears hve threatened to fall out of my eyes for.
____(insert random double digits) times,
i can feel this desperation in me.the laugh that
sounds too loud and eager, anger which comes & goes at the flick of
the wrist.im experiencing emotions at their extremes,
what does that mean?wht does that make me.
i swear,everything about me is wrong. nothing i do'd help.
wrongwrong wrong.
if someone blogs bout sth like this,i'd be the first to
object to the crap he/she's saying. becus.well.
two words, inferiority complex. simply because no one
is completely rotten,everyone has good traits in em :tht's humans for you.
but. now, with all the might i can muster i use to believe tht im a lost cause.
tht's pretty sad..it's incorrect to think so, but it's the
only, i repeat, only thing tht i believe in now.
the only thing tht i believe in now is incorrect too.
what can i say.
it's a growing list .

what i want now the most is to wake up and find myself
in place whr nobody knws me,whr everyone still loves everyone
my art's on an all time low,(it's one of the things i cant stand the most)
i believe it's partly due to the fact tht thrs nothing bout me to be
expressed anymore, i'm on an all time low.
thrs no reason, no excuse for me to be feeling wht im
feeling now.wait a second,am i saying tht
i need a reason to be feeling wht im feeling?
slaps self.
hits self.
the tears are on it agn
wht the hell they won't fall anyway. theyll be
thr sometimes, but they wont fall because i wont show.
harry potter movie.was my past a lie too. i dedicated so much
of myself to..being a fool? he who should not be named's supp to be so much
so much more a monster than tht.with a presence so vile it can strike
fear in everyone's hearts.instead, he has a noseless lump of flesh also known as his face
(not to mention a voice which i'd expect someone in pain to hve)
but then again, wht do i knw
wht do i hve.a past which ive partially forgotten about.
please. give me this time,allow me to mock at myself.
whts wrong now.you were the one who signed into blogger,
&chose to start typin. don't hide now,you want them to know,so tell them.
whr's your heart.show it to them. cracks and crevices in all their glory
yet it's shamelessly beating, still. after all that,youre still
shamelessly living.
i know; i know tht well.
i hate myself. i know i hate myself.
now you know too.you know i hate myself.

EDIT:0252am
it made me laugh:
witnessing the duel between my mom,
lizard1 &lizard2, heavens she managed to catch em both, hurray!
supermom!
boy was it a workout, (for her, as for me,i was just standing by the side,
clutching my cup with both hands. besides making weird yelping noises when lizard1 was
tryin to make a run for it,of course) she then
threw em both out of the window,AFTER making sure tht no
innocent weirdohh passerby who was hving his stroll about the neighbourhood
happened to walk past beneath our windows.
geesh, them both lizards probably wld come
back soon enough. but thts btr than killing em.
yipedee.
pats you on back for hving lasted tht long an entry.